The Johnson Journey

Free, Free, Free!!!!!

2010-08-20T10:19:00.002-05:00

My incredibly talented sister is having another give away for her AWESOME store. I just have to ass on the news. Go to her blog at http://scarycutecreations.blogspot.com/ to enter, and also find the stinkin cutest stuff. You can also visit her store at http://www.etsy.com/shop/scarycute. I promise that you will be glad you did. But hurry fast, it all ends Sunday night :(

Seeing Clearly

2010-08-19T14:49:00.003-05:00

Decota had another appointment with her eye specialist today. Everything is looking GREAT! For some reason her pressure was up again to a 22, but after running several tests he did not seem to be concerned about it. He said her eye was quiet and looked perfect, what does that mean: no inflammation cells to speak of. Her vision has been back to 20/20 since May. Her methotrexate has been dropped down a level since July. She seems to be doing great and on the downhill side of things. We are hoping to be able to keep her healthy, her stress levels down, and have a good report in November. We will go to her eye Dr in the morning, and the hospital that same afternoon, so we are very hopeful that we will have a good report and be able to decrease it down another level then. Between now and November are very critical months. If she stays stable she is most likely going into remission and we have combated most of the inflammation cells. We both have our hopes up. We both feel very positive. I just hope we don't have any set backs, but if we do we will survive. For now we wont even think about that, and we will just celebrate how far we have come. Barely any vision back to 20/20! Once again Decota is my miracle child :)

(bitter)Sweet Relief

2010-08-18T21:48:00.003-05:00

Last night I was released form my calling as 2nd counselor in the Young Women's program. I knew it was coming for awhile. It has almost been a joke in our house as to how long I could postpone the inevitable, but the day finally came. It is with very mixed emotions I leave this calling. I will miss my Mia Maids SOOOOOOOO much. They are a great group of girls, and I really love being with them. Even their silly little teenage problems will be missed because it helps keep me young and in touch with teenage reality. I will miss (most of) the leaders that I have had the opportunity to work with and get to know. I will especially miss my super, wonderful camp buddies who helped me and the girls survive camp. Their leadership, helpfulness and inspiration were such key elements to making camp the wonderful experience it was. They have also become dear friends, and I will miss the weekly interaction with them. Not only did they make me a better leader, they made me feel like a better person than I really am. I am really going to miss them. But the hardest part of leaving my calling is leaving my girls. I love seeing how they react to the lessons. I love knowing what they have been taught and having the opportunity to talk to them about it on a more knowledgeable level. Decota was months away from being in my class, and I am sad to not get that chance to be with her. I know I will only be losing a couple of hours a week with them, but it seems like such an important time to get to be with them. I will really miss those sweet moments.

As soon as I walked out of the classroom with the bishopric member last night my kids rushed me and asked if I had been released. When I told them yes they kind of chuckled (out of knowing that it was going to happen sooner or later), and then a second later their faces fell with the realization of what that meant. As much as they pretend to get sick of me, I know that they really like me around. Declan then said, with a very upset face, "Does that mean you can't go to the Stake Dance in September?" This dance is a tri-stake dance that our ward is in charge of. Declan and his friends and the Mia Maids have been begging me to come to a dance. I promised them that I would come to the one in September and dance the night away with them. Some of the kids that do not go to dances were going to come with us because we were planning to be the life of the party. Now Declan was telling me that he didn't want to participate in the dance anymore. At first I was going to let Decota come with us (she is SOOOOO much fun at dances), because it would have less than a month until her birthday and I thought it would be great for her to participate in the planning and organization of a stake dance. I was quickly shot down by the YW President in a letter to me, copied to everyone else, saying that she was not invited and that she would not be ready until she turned 14. I completely disagree, but I kept my mouth shut and told Decota she could not attend. Now that Declan thought both Decota and I could not go, he was not going to go either. I quickly reassured him that I could be a parent chaperon (although I will probably have to go through the YM side to be one) and that I would be there anyway. As we drove home the kids quickly started going through the list of all of the things that I could no longer do with them, and I felt bad for a second, and then I reminded all of us all of the things I got to do with them that most moms don't, and of all of the things I still get to do with them on a non-mutual basis. By the time we got home I think we all felt better.

To be honest in some ways it is a huge relief. I have so much that I am helping with for my kids and all of their soccer teams, dance lessons, practices, school sports and such, not to mention all the running around I do for seminary, school and the extras. I need to make a big push for my business this fall, and every time I sat down to do it I seemed to have something for YW staring me in the face and I ended up doing that instead. I have a lot of opportunities to serve the boys on Declan's team, and I know that will be quite consuming. I will have the constant worry of a whole group of girls off of my back (but really, do you ever completely stop worrying about them- I think not), and be able to be more focused on my own children. We have some pretty hefty family goals set up for this year. We are well on our way to having the Book of Mormon read individually by the end of the year, and as a family by the end of the school year. While it is going well now, I am sure it will be like pulling teeth at some point. I also have Cambria in pre-AP math, Decota in 4 pre-AP classes and an honors class, and Declan in 3 pre-AP and 1 AP class. I know that my mom motivation plate will be full. Rodney also has a lot of things on his mind and on his plate, and will have some big decisions to make over the next few months.

I think (no I know ) that the most relief I will feel will be in not having to deal with the constant frustration of working with someone that I just do not understand and that does not understand me. It is pretty bad when you can not read an e-mail from someone without having to walk away and cool down out of frustration. I do not deal well with people that want to be in charge, but don't want to be responsible for any resolutions, and don't want someone else to come up with a resolution instead. I just do not work well if you can not address the problem, and I am going to be glad to have that problem gone from my life. I just hope that my children no longer feel like they are being picked on and nagged at because they are my kids. Hopefully now this crazy, uncomfortable cloud in the air can pass. I think that of all relief that I will gain, this will be the most welcome and the most satisfying.

So while I once again turn in my Young Women's folder I can honestly say it is a bitter-sweet relief.

Back to School Shopping

2010-08-17T22:16:00.002-05:00

Back to school shopping- not something I am really that fond of. I deal just fine with getting the new jeans, shirts, underwear and socks- but it is the supplies that almost push me over the edge!!!! Today was our dreaded school supply shopping day. I had a list for Decota, a list for Cambria, and a pretty good idea for Declan (at least enough of one to get him started) so off we went to the Happiest Place On Earth (NOT) WALMART. As we walked through the isles adding more and more junk to the cart, the more and more irritated I seemed to get. Not at my kids mind you, but at the stinking schools. Over 2/3 of the stinking lists were things for the teachers: Sharpies, Expo Markers, Scotch Tape, Play-Dough (seriously, for 8th grade), reams of copy paper, and a plethora of other things for my kids to turn into their teachers on the 1st day of school. Funny that I paid $6000 in property taxes this year, the majority of it going to the school district, yet I still have to stock the teachers classrooms. Then, on top of that, all of the regular supplies I buy like pencils, pens, papers, markers, spiral notebooks, graph paper, erasers, colored pencils, glue and stuff like that also get turned into the teachers to be redistributed at their discretion. What does that mean, out of the $250 on school supplies that I bought for my kids they will get to keep a binder, a pack of paper, 2 pens, 2 pencils and a notebook. The rest they rarely ever get to have redistributed to them so when they need refills I have another supply of supplies waiting at home. There just seems to be something wrong with this system-right?

Football

2010-08-12T21:59:00.003-05:00

UGH!!!!!
Why is it exactly that I have come to HATE football so much? It is not that I entirely hate the game. I will admit that it is not that exciting to me. It is a long drawn out game that moves about as fast as a slug and there is rarely a moment of excitement in it for me; however, at the same time I do not mind going and people watching, I enjoy cheering in those few and far between moments that something spectacular actually happens, and it can be fun to be a fan of a team. So why does my skin start to crawl as soon as football season starts. Well the answer is pretty easy: RODNEY. It would be OK if his OCD just got rid of all of the other crazy things he does and he could be entirely focused on football, but alas that is not how it is. He just adds one more thing to obsess about. The last thing I want to hear at breakfast, lunch, dinner, when I am in the shower, when I lay my head down at night, or even when I am siting on the toilet is what he thinks the Cowboys could or should have done better. I just feel like having a recorder playing at my side all the time saying "seriously, do you really think I care?". I guess I could just grin and bear it if it also did not come with the attitude. Heaven forbid someone is engulfed in a show and he wants to watch some TiVoed football game. He will meanly, and I am seriously meanly, tell you to "hand over the remote right now! The show that is on is stupid and I have a game to watch. I don't care if there are only 4 minutes left, I have a football game to watch. You can finish some other time." And the worst is that it isn't even me he is talking to, it is the kids. If there is a game during church he either magically becomes sick, is so late that we leave him and he never shows up, or he does go and complains and is mean to everyone at church the whole time. Anytime a game is on he expects me to just run around and serve him whatever he wants while he sits on the couch- and after he has started being mean to everyone (yeah right!). Then the kicker is when he wants to have friends over and have me cook and clean for everyone while he sits around and is rude. And one more thing- Who needs to TiVo and watch every football game in the WAY TO LONG season AND pre-season for every team?????? I used to enjoy football. OK, maybe not necessarily football, but at least the chance to just chill while a game was on, sit and hang out together, and people watch if I was there. I didn't mind spending a few hours a week just being with him while he did something he enjoyed. Now it honestly makes my skin crawl to hear the announcers voices. I leave the room entirely and find something, anything else to do. And so do the kids for the most part. It is a cardinal sin to sit in the same room and chit chat while there is a game on, you know you might miss some important "who gives a crap" fact about some random person who did something 100 years ago in football.

I have GOT to find a way to make it through this season!

I guess 1st and foremost Rodney and I have got to sit down and talk and put some limits and expectations on how much he watches football.
He will have to understand how much his attitude has affected how our family feels about this sport.
We will need to decide how he wants to watch football- alone or with others- and what that entails.
He will have to limit his talking to me about it, and when he does I will have to smile kindly and nod my head like I care.
I need to also have a commitment from him that football is second to more important things, and I will have to understand that football is first compared to some of my stupid things.
I will have to have a more positive attitude about it and support him in his moderate football watching.
I will sometimes sit by him while he watches (even if I am reading a book) and make him feel like he is not completely alone.

I did buy him a neat Cowboys tie the other day that is blue on one side and white on the other (for home and away) so he can wear it to church on game day. Maybe I'll even be nice tonight and grab a book and go sit by him while he sits in there alone watching the TiVoed game from earlier tonight, even after he just ripped all of our heads off about how fast we handed over the remote.

I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. How many more weeks to the Superbowl?

And for now I wont even think about Hockey!!!!

PS- Although it does not sound like it, I have not been rude to him and have had another great attitude day. All of my crabbiness has been directed to the computer, not him. How's that for biting my tongue- I just can't seem to bite my fingers ;)

Does that make me CRAZY??????

2010-08-11T21:52:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I wonder if I am crazy. Today for instance, it is 107 degrees outside, the humidity is horrid, and I am the only stupid parent sitting outside watching my child practice on the soccer field. Sometimes I think "Why am I not in the comfort of my car with the A/C turned on?", "Why am I not running errands while they practice?", "Why do I spend so much time and money on their sports and activities?", "Why do I feel so guilty because I am sitting watching one child's scrimmage on one field while the other gets no attention paid to them on the other field during practice?", "Why do I take the time to arrange my life so that I can drag everyone around to 90% of everything anyone does instead of just letting Rodney take the kids here or there while I stay at home with the others?". I could give you a plethora of answers to each of those questions, but the plain old truth is I DON'T WANT TO MISS A MINUTE. I want them to know we made the extra efforts for them. I want them to do what they love and feel supported in it. No one complains about being together and going to their siblings things, so if we have the opportunity to do it why not be together? I constantly feel like I am seeing the sand slip through the hourglass at a faster pace than it is supposed to, and I want to make sure I have a memory in my heart as each one of those pieces of sand hits the ground. I want them to never question they were loved. If tomorrow never came, I want them to know all I did was for them. So as I sit out in unbearable heat and sweat like a pig I have a hard time even complaining when I know I have been given a wonderful gift to be able to be with them so much. It might be the heat affecting my head, or I might just be crazy, but crazy is something I am happy to live with :)

And just like that- I think I'm in love

2010-08-11T01:16:00.002-05:00

The black hole that I feel like I am in sometimes is not quite so black anymore when I find I have others who understand how I feel and may even be sitting in it next to me. Oh, I am so glad to know I am not the only one who ever feels that way :) That in itself makes life easier to bear sometimes. Not in the way that "misery loves company", but in the way that is "I am human". I love it when people gently remind me to open my eyes, and help me realize that whole is not really black, but instead a plethora of colors. Luckily, Rod and I had a nice chat and both of us really feel a lot better now. It is good to take the time to realign goals and assess where we both stand and where we want to be, both individually and as a team. I love those moments where I feel a little bit twitterpated because I see the mind and soul of the man I love. And I am very happy to report that I just finished day two of a very awesome attitude! And so once again, the skies have cleared and the storm has passed until there is another breakdown in the atmospheric pressure!

Pleading the 5th

2010-08-08T22:33:00.002-05:00

You know the old saying, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." Well it is one of those weeks where I feel like I just need to plead the 5th and SHUT UP! It is crazy because I have had a great time with the kids. It has been so nice to have them home. I seem to be a very happy person, and the my husband walks in- and now I will plead the 5th. It is amazing how one little thing, or in his case a bigger thing, can set me on a downer course. I look at my children and try very hard to push it aside for their sakes. He gripes enough, and harps enough, and says enough mean things for the both of us- but unfortunately pleading the 5th does not always come easy for me and my big mouth can get me in trouble. So, like most Sunday's and the start of the new week, I find myself recommitting to do better, to be more patient, to endure to the end, to put a smile on my face even when I don't fell like smiling, to not say anything if I can't say something nice, and to just plead the 5th and keep my mouth shut more often. I have been married long enough to know that THIS TO SHALL PASS- right?

I guess we know were all the talent in the family went...

2010-06-06T21:54:00.001-05:00

All of my siblings are extremely talented in one way or another. Me- not so much. My mom would always say "you have the talent to make friends". I think that is the same as being told "you have a sweet spirit". Oh well, I don't mind enjoying all their hard work :)

Today I just have to brag on my CRAFTY sister Chelsey. She is just TOO creative for her own good, and I want to buy one of everything she makes (if not 2 or 200). She has a store on Etsy called Scarycute. She makes all kinds of creative things. For Valentines I had her make LOVE scrapbooks for my girls so they could fill them with all of the things that they love at this point in their life. I can not even begin to tell you how cute they turned out. The girls LOVE them!!! Right now she is into making homemade flowers and butterfly clippies for the hair. My girls are ALL about the hair decorations. We are so excited to put in a big order and have tons of fun and original new designs for our hair. She is having a giveaway on her store blog right now, until tomorrow (Monday, June 9th). All you need to do is leave a comment through tomorrow and she will randomly draw a person to receive a custom hair accessory. I entered- You should too. Enter at http://scarycutecreations.blogspot.com/ and check her store out at http://www.etsy.com/shop/scarycute . I think you will figure out why I think she is so talented!!!

I'm Alive!!!

2010-06-06T21:52:00.002-05:00

Imagine the above title being sung by Fly Leaf- That's how I always say it :) I don't know where time goes, but I guess it does not go to blogging. I am going to try to be better. Instead of trying to catch up I will just start now.
Ready...
Set...
GO!!!!!!!!!!!

Palm Springs

2009-09-19T20:26:00.005-05:00

The only thing better than the pool and the sun was the Pina-Coladas and Strawberry Daiquiris!!!

For Spring Break this year we headed off to venture in the wild, wild west. Ok, it was just Palm Springs (but with all the old people with eastern accents, openly gay people walking down the streets holding hands, and Europeans who insisted on stripping down and changing in front of you at the pool- it felt a bit WILD!!) Rodney had a convention and so we all piled in the car and headed out with him. While he worked we enjoyed many hours at the beautiful pool. The flowers everywhere were gorgeous, and the weather was WONDERFUL. One night Rodney said "The weather is wonderful here, we should move here". I cracked up and said "You would die living among all of the gays here". He almost died because we were in a restaurant surrounded by them. I could have cared less. They want to make out in public, I can voice my disgust in public. We enjoyed doing a little shopping, looking at art galleries, and even seeing Michael Maloney from Extreme Makeover Home Edition. To bad the food in Palm Springs is HORRIBLE (I am not kidding, every place we ate was bland, gross, and disgusting). You would think you could find ONE restaurant with 1/2 way decent food. I can see why people in California are so skinny- I would never want to eat either!!!!! We have always enjoyed our get aways to Palm Springs, and this time was no exception- but I think I will keep my home in Texas surrounded by good food, unsnooty people, and more heterosexuals per-capita!!

Agua Caliente

2009-09-19T18:38:00.012-05:00

While in Palm Springs we decided to take a hike on the Agua Caliente Reservation. It was a hot day, but we were ready to stretch our legs & enjoy some beautiful views.

The hike was a beautiful 2 mile hike with a 350 foot incline to the top. We enjoyed seeing all kinds of neat rocks, landscape, and even ancient hieroglyphs.

The Tahquitz Falls were beautiful. The cold water was very refreshing after the hot rocky hike. Declan enjoyed trying to climb the large rock in front of the fall. I must admit that Rodney looked pretty dang hot, too!

It was a very enjoyable day, and the views were well worth the hike in the heat!

(PS- I really love the scrapblog of these pics- check it out!!)

Back again!

2009-09-19T18:37:00.002-05:00

After some time off to get the whole school thing down- I'M BACK!!!

The Greatest Gift

2009-08-05T22:57:00.002-05:00

One of the greatest gifts I have ever received has been from my Papa and Nanny. This past Christmas we found out about a family in need. My extended family really rallied around us as we tried to lift some burdens and the hearts of 3 children. The experience was incredible, and it blessed the lives of my family so much. Then to make matters even better, my sweet Nanny and Papa sent us some more money in order to help the kids out with more things over the next couple months. It was a wonderful experience to be able to find needs every month, and help them through them. Every month we picked a theme and focused our efforts on that. I would then write the kids an inspirational note, with the theme included, and all of the gifts would match that theme. For example, in January our theme was "A new year brings a new start". We were able to stock them up on new personal hygiene items as well as new school supplies. We had so much fun with this project, and I think that in the end we gained way more than they ever could have. I am so appreciative of my sweet grandparents who have such tender hearts. They have truly given my family a gift that will last a lifetime!

Fort Worth Stock Show and Rodeo

2009-08-05T22:30:00.008-05:00

Ever since we moved to Dallas we have said that we needed to go to the big rodeo in Fort Worth. Every year when we hear on the news that it is over Rodney always says "Another year has gone by without us going. I swear we never do anything to take advantage of the city." Well this year I decided to do something about it so I did not have to hear about how lame we were- so I bought tickets. We were very excited when Myra and Danny decided drive all the way down and join us. We started off leaving late (who us? -no way) so I was a bit irritated with Rodney. However, when we arrived we had a nice dinner (which chilled me out) and a pleasant stroll around the Fort Worth Stockyards. When it was time for the rodeo to start we made our way to the gate and handed them our tickets. Apparently I did not research everything as well as I thought because the Rodeo at the Stockyards was some rinky-dink rodeo, and we were at the wrong place. Now it was Rodney's turn to be irritated with me. We quickly loaded up in the car and drove across town to catch it at a huge venue. Unfortunately, because of our mix-up, we were not able to see the livestock. We did not miss too much of the Rodeo though- which is the best part anyway. I have not quite figured out why, but our family LOVES the rodeo. We have taken the kids ever since they were young to various rodeos. Rodney and I have watched the National Rodeo Finals in Las Vegas. We have joined the PBR. We even watch them on TV. I think we love the goofy comedy, the patriotism that is always brought to them, and the good ol' boy feeling you get when you are at them- plus the bull riding. We saw some great calf and goat roping, some funny wagon races, and some crazy bull riding. It was a lot of fun, but next time we will definitely give ourselves time to walk through the HUGE stock show (and maybe even hit the carnival)!!!!

Valentine's Day

2009-08-04T22:43:00.003-05:00

This year was not only Cambria's last year to have an official class Valentine's Party, but mine and Rodney's also. We have been very fortunate that ever since Rodney has worked from home he has been able to attend most of the kids class parties. The kids always love it when he shows up to the school to be with them on their special days. This year we remorsefully remarked that this was our last year to fill out Valentine's from a class list and eat too many sweets that have been sitting out on a table touched by countless fingers. (I personally try to never eat anything that is not individually wrapped- however the occasional rice crispy treat has lured me the other way). This year the room was MASS CHAOS, hot, and full of crazy, sugared up kids. By the time we left the party we were kind of glad that it was the last Valentine's party, although I still think the kids are growing up way to fast.

As yo can see, Rodney has a hard time resisting the lure of the cupcake. Maybe he is willing to come to parties and eat questionable cupcakes because I HATE cupcakes and cakes and refuse to have them in my home except for special occasions. Poor Rodney, but he is a great sport!

Cross Country

2009-08-02T00:13:00.004-05:00

It has been so fun to watch Declan grow and develop as a runner. When he was little, Rodney and I used to laugh at his cute little clumsy run (although it was not as cute as he got older). His arms would pump across his body, his head would shake from side to side, and he looked like he was tripping over his own feet. If you would have told me that Declan would one day LOVE running and actually be pretty darn good at it, I probably would have thought you were crazy. I would have been wrong. Two years ago Declan decided that he wanted to run cross country in order to stay in shape during the winter. I actually asked him "what cute girl is running". He was a bit offended and said "None. I just want to stay in shape and learn to run". And learn he did. He loved his coach, Coach Tran. Declan would get up early 3 mornings a week and run for a couple hours before school, and then run for a couple hours after school four days a week- CRAZY. He listened to what his coach was teaching him about form, and took it to heart, and developed a beautiful stride. He worked very hard at becoming better and better, and surprised us with his ability to shave seconds off his time EVERY meet. Declan is not someone who was born with a lot of natural athletic ability. He has had to work twice as hard as most people when it come to athletics. Yet he always has- and has become a great athlete. His dedication and hard work has truly impressed me. I am so proud of his determination. We all know that everything he has accomplished he has accomplished through blood, sweat and tears; but he HAS accomplished them. I can not even explain the pride that I feel as I watch his beautiful new stride. It is truly a lesson to me what a GREAT attitude and hard work can accomplish.

My Girls (2)

2009-07-31T01:27:00.009-05:00

I just posted the scrapbook pages I made of the girls on the blog (see below) because I think the girls look so pretty in them with the colors. Unfortunately, it is hard to read what they say unless you go to the web-site and do a full page view of them. Instead I thought I would just copy what they say here:

My Beautiful Decota!! You are such a wonderful young woman. You have one of the biggest, most beautiful smiles I have ever seen. When you smile it brightens the world and makes others happy. You are full of spunk and fun. You are constantly surrounded by friends because you are such a wonderful friend. Most importantly, you are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the out. What did I do right to get the privilege of being your mom? I love everything about you my sweet girl!

Cambria- oh how you have grown! You are not the little "tom-boy who knows how to act like a girly-girl " anymore. Instead you are becoming a beautiful young woman who knows how to play tough! It is so much fun to watch your personality grow. I love it when you spray on your perfume as you head out the door to "kick some bootie" at soccer. You are an amazing girl who knows who she is and is completely happy being herself. You have the drive and determination to do anything you want! When I look at you I can't help but smile. You add so much JOY to my life!

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

I don't know about you, but I truly think I am one lucky mom!!!!!

My Girls

2009-07-31T01:16:00.002-05:00

Tetherball

2009-07-30T20:17:00.004-05:00

There is something about tetherball in the 5th grade here in Lake Dallas. It becomes more than a fun game at lunch, it becomes an obsession. Kids line up and wait their lunch break away to be able to have a chance to play tetherball. If you win the game, you continue on until you loose. I remember when Declan used to come home with bruised hands and arms, and the occasional swollen lip from a tetherball game. Then Decota started informing us on the state of the weather in terms of if the tetherball courts would be opened to play on or not. Tetherball just became a part of 5th grade everyday life with them. Yet we had no idea of how much of an obsession it would become for Cambria! As soon as she got out of school we would get the update on how many games she had won or who she had beaten that day. Her arm would often ache at night from playing so intensely. When she was at a friend's house that had a tetherball pole, she wanted to play it the whole time. She loved it so much that her friend Melissa gave her a ball and a rope for Christmas. Since we did not have a pole, and she did not want to wait for her parents to get one and figure out where to put it and how to get it up, she took it outside, climbed a tree, and hung it up in the tree tops. There was a tree in the way so when she would hit it right the other tree would hit it back. She thought it was wonderful because she did not have to have anyone in order to play, she could just play the tree. It did, however, cause a problem when others wanted to play against her, so one day daddy went out and cleared some limbs off another tree and moved it into a better location. The tree became our natural tetherball pole. When Cambria would come home after school her routine consisted of putting up her notebook, grabbing a snack, and heading straight out to the tetherball. She would practice for hours with no one but herself. She always loved it when Declan or Decota decided to go out and play with her. Her all time favorite challenges, however, were when dad would head out and play with her. I always knew when he was out there because I could hear them both laughing from inside the house. I think it became a great tension reliever for Rodney to be out there punching the ball and laughing. I think Cambria just loved to CRUSH her daddy. The teatherball became one of the best and most used gifts that anyone has ever given Cambria. Who would have known that a little yellow ball tied to a rope would become such an important part of her 5th grade year!

Scrapblog

2009-07-30T01:57:00.005-05:00

OK! I have completed my first scrapblog page- twice (I accidentally deleted it once- oops). Hopefully I will get a bit done here and there, so if you want to check it out got to www.scrapblog.com/auntnelly or click here!!! :)

Indoor Soccer

2009-07-29T23:47:00.002-05:00

This winter Cambria decided she did not want to take a break from soccer and wanted to play indoor. We forced her to play basketball last winter and, even though she was good at it, she did not want to play it again. So what do you do when a child loves something so much she does not want to take a couple month break- SIGN HER UP!!!! So every week for 8 weeks we took her to Carrollton to play in the American Indoor facility. She played with the Ace's Soccer Club and loved it. Indoor is a whole other world of soccer. It is like soccer/hockey. You play for 20 min, take a 1minute half-time break, and then play 20 minutes more. There are no out of bounds, no off sides, and you don't stop to substitute players. It is VERY fast paced and exciting. Cambria played in a league that was a year older, so a couple of the teams were A LOT bigger (like Declan size bigger). In indoor you play really rough and push your opponents into the walls. The ball also comes very hard and very fast at you. The first time Cambria got hit in the face with the ball I thought she was going to cry (it was a HARD kick straight to the face); however, her face turned red, she got mad, and she played one heck of an aggressive game. It was nerve racking for me, I was sure one of the monstrous girls was going to hurt my little Cambria. Rodney, however, loved watching his feisty little girl ram the bigger girls into the wall. In the end, we got creamed by the 2 biggest teams, but took 3rd place overall. Cambria loved it and decided that she wanted to get on a club team and play year round. Thus one season of indoor soccer opens up a whole new chapter in our lives.......

Playing the catch up game

2009-07-29T23:30:00.004-05:00

I am trying to play a bit of the catch up game. In order to do some of it I am going to post things in a not so chronological order. I have started to try a new thing called scrapblog, so as I create my pages I will also post about it here. There is some way to also share my Scrapblog posts- but I am not that advanced yet. Hopefully all this will help with 2 things- catching me up on my posts for my journal and catching up on my scrapbooks!!! Don't hold your breath though, you might pass out!

My not so Primary song moment

2009-05-19T21:04:00.002-05:00

So Rodney is back in town after only one night away. Sometimes he gets so wound up on these short trips that it is a bit hard to be around him. He is on all of us like a fly on stink about everything. So after he just went on his 100th rampage of the night, this one because I asked him to take out the trash and when he did he discovered something "wet" in it, we were all feeling a little bit like pulling out our hair. I looked at the kids and you could see it in their faces that they were DONE with the lectures tonight. All of the sudden I started humming "I'm so glad when daddy comes home". Before I knew it I was singing my own little version:

I'm so glad when daddy comes home
Glad as I can be
Clap my hands and shout "OH NO!
Stay away from me!"

Wrap my hands around his thought
Squeeze it tight like this
Slap his cheek and give him what?
A great, big KICK!

I know it is mean, but everyone must have been feeling it because the kids started cracking up. When he walked in he had no idea why we were all smiling and our mood seemed to be a bit lighter, but we did not tell. It just felt good to have one under our belts after he has been such a nag all evening. Tomorrow will be better, and I know I am ornery, but OH WELL! Tonight I think I am pretty dang funny! And the kids think I should be on "Whose line is it Anyway".

I almost killed the dog

2009-05-19T09:34:00.002-05:00

Poor puppy! He is one big, fat mutt, and so I decided he needed to start working out with me. I took him to the pond to run with me, and he thought it was great for about 3 min. His pace started to slow after that, but it was not until about 10 min into the run/walk that he started dropping back. I was pulling him by about 15 min, an added bonus of a workout on my right side. At 19 min I looked back at him and his tongue was nearly touching the ground, he was limping, and he looked like he was about to pass out. I decided I could stop for a minute to take him to the pond for a quick drink. He decided to just jump all the way in. I had to let him, or I was going in the stinky pond with him. After about 3 min I decided he was stinky and muddy enough, so I pulled him out and made him finish the last 11 minutes with me. He was not loving it. At one point he almost killed me when he just laid down right in the middle of full stride. The landscape crew that was working on the pond got a kick out of me literally dragging this huge dog behind me. By 30 min he was done, and I was a little afraid he might have a heart attack. I let him lie in the pond a bit more. After I finally pulled him out, walked him home, bathed him, and let him back in the house, it took him about 2 hours to stop panting. He just laid on the floor the whole rest of the day. The next day was a walking day, and I worried about taking him, but I did it any way. He got a little pooped at the end, but handled it a lot better. I really felt bad for the little, big guy- But at least I am in better shape than someone!

Still stinking- but in a better way!

2009-04-27T21:06:00.002-05:00

Today is Monday, the day of renewal to me. I do not know why I have these weird rules for my life (like I can only get up at a minute that is divisible by five, thus pushing my eight minute snooze button 5 times before I can get up again) but Mondays are another one of them. I can only start trying a new thing if it is on Monday. Today was my Monday for change. Last week I was very frustrated as I watched my weight go up 2 more pounds, but could not make myself do anything about it until today. And today I did. First off I got up (unfortunately I pushed the snooze button so it was 40 min later than I had hoped) and got the kids off to school. After a bit of weekend house cleaning catch up I started back on my Wii fitness quest. (It kindly reminded me that I had not check in for 12 days). After an hour of Wii training, Wii aerobics, and Wii yoga I decided to make lunch and get ready for the day. I did my usual afternoon things and then picked up the kids from school, made and ate dinner by 5:00, got Rodney out the door with Declan and Cambria for goalie lessons and took Decota to her Ballet and Jazz classes. After everyone was gone I was off to a pre-tryout cheerleading meeting. When I arrived home at 7:00 I was pleasantly surprised that the meeting had taken far less time than I thought it would have. Because it rained today and Cambria's game was canceled for her rec team and her practice was canceled for her select team, Rodney drove in right behind me. We looked at eachother and said "Lets go for a walk". Well earlier today I had gotten on Runner's World and printed off an eight week training schedule for getting back to running again. I was bummed because I knew that I would have to wait a whole 2 weeks to try it because I could not start on Tuesday, and next week I would be at camp with Cambria and would not want to start it then. Little did I know that I would have a whole hour of free time tonight. I hurried upstairs, changed, grabbed my iPOD and some water and we headed to the pond. Thirty minutes of running a minute and walking two- and I feel great. This is the first time I have actually tried to run since my surgery, and I was shocked at how awkward I felt. I could tell a limp in my run and I also felt like my leg was not strong enough to support a big stride. It was a bit awkward, and I have NO endurance, but I did it. Rodney was going to quit at 18 minutes, but I talked him into keeping it up and he also did the whole thirty minutes. It has been a big mental hurdle to get over for me to actually get out there and see how bad my endurance has gotten, but I got over it and did it, and I feel positive that I can get it back as I work to get into shape again. I feel great right now and am very optimistic that I will make sure I schedule in time to work on this 8 week plan every day. So, I do have dried sweat on my back and face, and stinky sticky arm pits, but I stink the good kind of stink!

I TOTALLY STINK!

2009-04-23T11:21:00.002-05:00

I totally stink, both at blogging and literally. It is 11:21 am and I still am not showered. I have spent all morning catching up on 2 months or reading blogs. I have felt like I am running at a snails pace in life lately as all of the cheetahs pass me by. I can not figure out why the days continue to get faster. Why is there never enough time? I have always stunk at journal writing. If you go back to my journals of my youth you will only find about 20 entries- and they all say something along the lines of "I hate my mom and dad. They are making me pooper scoop today!" Yep, that pretty much covers my childhood. I seriously rock at journals. I have had so many things on my plate lately, I have just needed to get them done. When I wrap it up for the night at about 11:00, the last thing I have wanted to do is write about my life; instead I have chosen to lose myself in at least 45 min of TV so I can relax before bed. I really need to start getting up at 5:30 to start exercising, but I am having a hard time dragging my butt out of bed at 6:30. Well, now I am feeling a bit more on top of things, thanks to the fact that I finally have my whole calender on my Blackberry. I think it is about to overload some days. I guess right now I should be off to hit the showers, make some lunch, and then work on some business e-mails until the kids get home. Then it is on to helping the kids review for tests, drum line try outs, dance, Cambria's soccer skills night, and Declan's game near Fort Worth. Hopefully we will be home by 9:30 and I can have a bit of extra relaxing time tonight so I can get some ironing done (yuck!). I hope to be able spend a bit more time recording some of the things I want to remember, because life is flying by way to fast. But who knows, unless mom and dad make me pooper scoop I may never get to much written in this journal!

What's Up!

2009-02-26T10:13:00.002-06:00

I would really like to post about everything that has been going on lately, but who knows if it will happen. I figured a list of what I have been doing would #1 help me remember if I ever get a chance to blog it #2 help me remember if I never get a chance to blog about it. So here is what has gone on in the Johnson Home lately:

- After Christmas we spent a wonderful break at Rodney's parents and enjoyed hanging out and being lazy (like sitting on our rears all day and watching TV lazy)
-Cambria played indoor soccer and loved it. She became more aggressive and really improved over the season.
-Declan ran cross country and really improved on his times. I am amazed by his dedication to get up at 6:30 and run everyday, and then stay after school and run until 5:30 everyday. I have no clue where he got that drive from.
-Decota has had a rheumatology visit and is looking great.
-Decota has had an ophthalmology visit and has been completely removed off of her steroid eye drops after a year. Only 2 more drops to go! She is very excited about this news!
-Decota felt she might be loosing her hearing. Of course we had her checked and found out that she had a blockage in her ear, which they removed, and she can now hear again.
-Decota has hurt her ankle twice in the last month, the second time pretty bad. We had it x-rayed and found out she had only sprained it, which was a big relief to all of us.
-Cambria and Declan have both started out door soccer again. They have practice constantly, and LOVE it. During indoor we met a man who has classes at the indoor fields who was a professional soccer player in France (he is from Morocco). For some reason he really took to our kids (Declan and Cambria), and has been coming to our fields to work with them on their skills. The things that he is teaching them are amazing (Cambria is up to 31 juggles) and we see a difference in their playing already. Him and Rodney really get along, and the kids love him!
-Decota tried out and made it into the athletics class for next year. Now she HAS to participate in 2 school sports. Her choices, volleyball and cross country.
-We all got an Upper Respiratory Viral Infection (felt like the flu to me) and ran fevers for 5 days, all at the same time. It stunk, but how often do you get the chance to just sit in your house and watch TV for 5 days straight with your kids. Gotta figure out some way to make it seem better.
-All of the kids had talks in church within the last month. Decota 1st in Sacrament, Cambria next in Primary, and Declan last in Sacrament. Next week Declan also has to give a talk in Mutual Opening Exercises on reverence and respect for leaders.
-We got a new roof put on our house, and had it repainted- and insurance paid for it all!
-Decota had her first band concert- and they did a great job.
-All of the kids had to turn in their school schedules for next year (Crazy, it's too early)
-My sweet Nanny and Papa sent us some money to continue helping out our secret family. It has been so fun to be able to do a surprise for them each month. I love seeing them randomly at school with their new supplies and clothes.
-Decota had an orthodontics appointment. She doesn't need 2 stages of braces now, only one, but they will be on for 30-36 months. And the kicker -it will cost almost $6000 dollars. Luckily our orthodontist gave us some discounts because we do not have Otho insurance, so it will knock it down to $5000 (still insane). Thank goodness for flex spending, huh!
-I started my own business (but I already mentioned that in my last post)
-We went to the Fort Worth Rodeo and loved it. We have been saying we were going to go since we moved here, and finally we did. Our family LOVES rodeos, and Rodney's parents came down and joined us, so we had a great time.
-I went on my scrapbooking retreat that I got for Mother's Day last year. I almost missed it because we were all sick that week, but at the last second I felt better and went. It was fun, and I got to know women in my ward better- but the best part- I think I discovered how I will scrapbook. Go check out scrapblog.com. I don't think I like to scrap as much as I used to, but I love to have the finished product. Now I can use pre-made digital pages, add extra element that they provide, and print them into a 12x12 book cheaper than printing out 12x12 pages or creating my own. One girl did 4 whole books on the first day. Hello- I am in love!

That is all I can think of right now. Hopefully I will get some quick post about some of these up!

My New Adventure

2009-02-25T21:31:00.002-06:00

Part of why I have been so behind is because I seem to be consumed with my new adventure in life. I have started my own business. What started out as a little repping idea for Rodney has now fully blossomed into my thing to try. First off- my company name is "Power Generation Resources". Right now I am representing a company that works on the mechanical side of the generator (Rodney's company works on the electrical side). Rodney was going to represent them as a "moonlighting" job, but as we pored over contracts and spoke with a lawyer, and then thought about ever angle of it, we decided that he did not want risk making his other mechanical customers angry, and so the best way to avoid it was to have him uninvolved. We then decided that I have met and gotten to know enough people throughout the years that I could rep the company and get the right people the info that needs to be out there. The company that wanted Rodney to rep them was totally happy to have me do it instead. I went ahead and got everything set up with the state, opened my business account, drafted a contract, and spoke with a lawyer. I am in the process of creating a logo and getting some business cards printed up for our trip to Palm Springs in the next couple of weeks. I meet so many people at these conferences that work for the utilities that I thought it would be great to be able to get them my info, and then take theirs for e-mailing them information about the company. We will see how it goes. We have won won job already that is in process right now, so it has cost me nothing yet. If I get more and it takes off - GREAT. If it never does anything- OH WELL, I TRIED. It has taken a lot of time to read up on information, look at accounting information and contracts, talk to lawyers, accountants and other small business owners, but it has been a lot of fun. Rodney has been so great- he really believe in me and my abilities, and that was definitely a shot of confidence that I need to take this on. Wish me luck, I am being told that Bladerunner (the company I rep) is ready for me to find the next project- whew!

So far behind!

2009-02-13T12:06:00.001-06:00

I am so far behind on my blog, and everyday I seem to get further. We really have a lot going on right now, and I am very excited to write about it- but I will have to take it one day at a time. Expect a lot of posts over the next couple of days.

Christmas Morning

2009-01-22T22:05:00.003-06:00

Declan is still just like a little kid. He set his alarm and woke us all up at 5:00 Christmas Morning. It always seems like Christmas morning is so anticipated, and then over so quickly, so Santa wised up this year and wrapped EVERYTHING! ( I mean eve the underwear!) It took us a couple hours to open it all up, and we took time to enjoy everything as we went. It was so much fun! (I think Santa's wrap job made everyone feel like they got so much more this year.)

Declan's big present from Santa was a Klipsch I-Home that he loves to blare as he goes to bed at night.

Decota was so excited to get her own digital camera. She is having a blast snapping pictures of everything. What can I say, like mother like daughter. Now maybe I can give her fake smiles and look at her like "Are you ever going to stop taking pictures". Ha, ha- This could be fun!

Cambria got an I-Pod Nano from Santa. She is rarely without it and is always singing. She LOVES to sing, and Rodney and I are constantly smiling at each other as we listen to her from the other room. The first order of business for her was to download Zoolander to it so she could watch it right away (some weird dream she has had this year about having an I-Pod with Zoolander).

Camryn loved his rope with the pigs hooves. He immediately tried to bury it in the house by finding things to pile on top of it. It was so funny, at first, when we would find it in random places, but then it got annoying when he started taking all of my folded laundry and moving it to cover his rope, or taking all of the pillows off of the bed and stuffing it between the mattress and the wall. Finally I had to put it up and tell him he could have it again when we go camping so he can really bury it.

After all of the gifts were opened, Rodney and I laid back down and fell asleep. I usually make a big breakfast, but this year I fell into a deep, long sleep. Luckily I had made a ton of yummy homemade cinnamon rolls, and they just helped themselves. They played all day with their gifts, and were so sweet and grateful. It was such a pleasant, relaxing day!

Christmas Eve

2009-01-22T21:38:00.003-06:00

I love Christmas Trees and Christmas Lights. It makes everything seem so happy and alive. When you take them all down, the house just does not feel as warm.

The kids LOVED their Christmas PJ's this year!

I had a little bit of a creative bug, and so I decided to paint these hat boxes to look like peppermints and warp the kids Christmas Eve PJ's in them. The kids loved them so much that they were more excited about the packages than what was in them. They made me promise to keep them and use them again next year, plus think of another cool idea for another package. Any Ideas?

Our good friends, The Anderson's, spent Christmas Eve with us. It was so nice to have someone to share Christmas soups and sweets with. Lucky Amy received the famous "Black lay in the Tub" white elephant gift. It is sitting by their kitchen sink for the year, but don't worry, it will be back in the rotation next year!

I had to include a picture of the house in our neighborhood that won the Clark Griswold award. You just had to laugh every time you saw it. I love it!

Our Christmas Gift

2009-01-19T21:05:00.007-06:00

All of the presents we were able to buy for our secret family!

(Things like an MP3 player, PJ's, Clothes, Shoes, and fun things to do)

The kids loved helping with all of the wrapping.

We made tags for each present, each on with a different encouraging message.

The jackpot of presents all wrapped and ready to deliver!

This year we had an incredible Christmas experience. Decota has been deeply touched by the hard life of a boy at her school. His story has made all of us evaluate our lives, and truly realize how fortunate and blessed we are.

This little boy had been placed in foster care last year along with his 16 year old and 8 year old sisters. They were removed from the home after CPS found out that the older sister had been caring for the children on her own for awhile. The mom had found the "love of her life" and had moved him in to their house. The boyfriend apparently abused all of the children, badly. When the police became involved he was given a restraining order to stay away from the house. The mom could not be without her true love, so she moved him back in and told the kids they had to stay in one part of the house to avoid him. They all stayed in one room, and the 16 year old slept sitting up against the door to try to block him from coming in. When the police found out he was back, he went on the run. The mom told the kids that they would one day leave her and so she needed to go with him because he would always be there for her- and then she left. The older sister was able to get a job at a local college's cafeteria so that she could bring in money and try to pay the bills. This also enabled her to bring home food for the kids. They tried to keep it quite and deal with it so that they would not be split up, but of course something had to be done when CPS found out. They were then placed in foster care with a Jehovah's Witness family (they are Jehovah's Witness). CPS later found out that the family was keeping the three kids in the garage, and that they were only allowed to come in to go to the bathroom. The police came by and told the family they could not keep them out there, so they were simply moved inside. The oldest sister is supposed to be an excellent student (she even received the award of Student of the Month while all of this was going on), she is a mentor to other kids with a program through the school, and is working to help pay her part for the family. She is working very hard to graduate early so that she can get emancipated, get a better job, and get custody of the kids. Teachers are trying to encourage her to find a way to go to college, but she is so devoted to trying to make a more stable life for her siblings that she can't see how it would be possible right now. The oldest sister gives all that she has to her younger siblings. The kids wear clothes that are too big or too small. They wear shoes that are 5 sizes big, or have holes in the soles. They have never been to a movie. They have never done most things that normal kids do. When we heard their story we knew we had to do something to lift their spirits and help them out.

I was very concerned as to how we were going to be able to do anything for this family, but we all knew we needed to. Because it was a very tight Christmas for us this year, the kids all decided that they would give up quite a bit of their presents in order to free up the funds to shop for this family. My parents and my sisters were sooooo sweet and pitched in, too. It seemed like everywhere I went I was able to get so much more for my money than I had imagined. There were deals to be found everywhere, local stores graciously giving me so much more than I had paid for, and blessings all around.

The pile of presents quickly piled up. These kids had never received a present in their lives, so we wanted it to be a big deal and wrapped everything individually. Because they are Jehovah's Witnesses I felt strongly that we should not make it all Christmasey, so I decided to wrap each kids gifts in their own brightly colored paper and make a special tag for each gift. On each tag I recognized some unique quality in them, or gave them words of encouragement. The gifts turned out wonderfully, and we all had such a great time preparing them.

When the presents were all ready, Rodney and I loaded up the car and snuck them into the councilor's office. She was overcome with emotion as we brought them in, and later called Declan and Decota in and cried as she thanked them for their participation. The little boy was brought in later and was shown the gifts. We were told that his eyes got huge as he saw the stack of presents, and that he kept saying it was a dream come true. He told the councilor that his sisters had made him homemade gifts before, and that his mom had given him her leftovers from a restaurant as a gift before, but that he had never had a real present. The councilor then had him read a couple of the tags and he started to cry. He was so touched that someone felt that way about him. He was then told that the next day after school he and his sisters would meet at the councilor's office and open the presents. Talk about a Christmas Eve- 12 years worth of anticipation all in one night. Decota said he was just beaming for the rest of that day and the next. She said by the end of the next day he was bouncing in his seat, hardly able to stand it any longer. I guess there were lots of smiles and tears as their Christmas surprises were opened.

The whole process was such a touching experience for our family. There was not a whole lot of "I want this" and "I want that" at our house this year. The day we dropped off the presents we were talking with the kids and they said that Christmas for them was already over, everything else was just icing on the cake. On Christmas morning the kids kept commenting on how this was the best Christmas ever. They kept commenting on how they thought they had received more than ever, even though in reality it was cut back to about 1/2. We all had such a happy, calm, peaceful feeling about us over the Christmas break. I feel so blessed by this experience. I am so grateful to my parents and Rodney's parents for teaching us about the benefits and blessings of service by showing us through their actions. I am so grateful for my children's sweet, tender spirits. I am so grateful for the support of my parents and sisters in helping us to achieve more. I am grateful for the Christmas holiday and for the wonderful spirit it brings into the people of the world. Mostly I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for prompting Decota to befriend this boy, for prompting me to talk to the right teacher to get it done, and for allowing us to be blessed by having this opportunity in our lives. This was truly our family's BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!!!

All that Jazz!

2009-01-18T23:43:00.004-06:00

Decota dances at a Christian dance studio called A Time To Dance where she takes Ballet, Jazz and Tap and LOVES to dance. She spends about 3 1/2 hours a week at the Dance Studio, and loves being there. Parents are not allowed to watch their kids during practice, so during Christmas they have "Parent Watch Week" where we are invited into their class to see their weekly warm ups, how a practice runs, and then watch a quick dance that they learned that month. I did not have my camera during her Ballet class, but I was able to catch her Jazz class and Tap class. The parent watch day is total informal, the room is very crowded, and the girls are pretty sloppy, but it is fun to watch them interact with each other during class. Decota bought all of the cute socks for the girls in her Jazz class. She is the oldest in her tap class this year, so she can get a bit annoyed in there at times, but they are advancing and have a great group of girls so e stick it out. Her and another girl are the youngest in her ballet class. All of the other girls are in High school and one is even in college. I just continue to remind her to be as patient with the little Jazz girls as the big ballet girls are with her. She really enjoys the friendships she makes in dance. Oh, by the way, Decota was going through a phase where she refused to smile for us because she does not have braces yet, so that is why she has the cheesy face.

A Night in Bethlehem

2009-01-18T23:10:00.006-06:00

************** For our ward Christmas Party this year we had A Night in Bethlehem. When I told people what we were doing I had many people, from many different religions, tell me what a neat experience this kind of night is. They were right. I went up to the church that afternoon to help decorate, and was amazed at the transformation. The cultural center no longer looked like a gym, but like a market place in Jerusalem. My kids really enjoyed getting dressed up that night, and playing the role of ancient Jews. Decota had invited a non-member friend to go with us, and the girls were so cute as they made their rags look more "fashionable". When we walked in we were given a bag of money and were told to keep our family close as we made our way through the crowded marketplace. There were many things for us to buy, dreidels, pitas, cookies, hummus, honey; but the tax man was always close buy trying to collect taxes. Rodney would not let the kids spend a lot of the money because he was afraid there would be some repercussion if he did not have enough to pay the taxes, but he was wrong and we ended the night with a lot of extra coins (of course, the one time Rodney wants to save his money it is fake!) Declan decided he needed more money than Rodney was giving him, so he walked around with a can chanting "Money for the blind". Thanks to the gracious spirit of the people, he wound up with more money than he could spend. Suddenly music started, families gathered on blankets on the floor, and Mary, Joseph and Jesus appeared. For the remainder of the evening we enjoyed listening to, and singing carols. It was a WONDERFUL way to get into the spirit of Christmas. We all thoroughly enjoyed our night out. I look forward to doing this again one day, maybe as a family next Christmas!

The Oboe Concert

2009-01-18T22:24:00.003-06:00

The first event to kick off the Christmas Season was a Beginning Band Preview for the parents of the 6th grade band students. This year Decota plays the oboe. She loves it. It is fun to see how quickly she has learned to play. Band is a big thing here in Texas, so they spend a lot of specialized time with the students to help them learn. Decota is in a class with bassoons, oboes, and flutes. There are only 3 oboe players. I am always amazed the 1st time I here the Beginning Bands play. (Also, because a mom is supposed to brag, Decota has been 1st chair most of the year! Way to go Decota!)

Vacation is OVER!

2009-01-14T18:00:00.002-06:00

OK, I have been horrible at posting over the holidays. They are just so hectic, and there is so much to do. Unfortunately, there are also so many memorable, blog worthy post during the holidays. I have made an executive decision and have decided to go back and post things I want to remember. I am sorry if you are sick of the holidays and all of their splendor, but this is my journal, so skip it if you want, or read and grin and bear it! The next few posts are all about what made Christmas, CHRISTMAS for me this year.

The big 8

2008-12-16T09:58:00.002-06:00

I have been so slothful with my blogging lately. I have been so busy that I know I have plenty to blog- but for now I will just work on a blog tag my sister-in-law Annie sent me. Here go my 8's:

8 t.v. shows I enjoy watching:
1) Survivor (yes, I will be on it someday! Why else am I working so hard to get my knee back)
2) Dancing with the Stars (someday I will have a dancers body- yeah right!)
3) America Idol (do you see a trend yet)
4) The Office
5) 30 Rock
6) The New Adventures of Old Christine
7) CSI
8) Numbers

8 things that happened yesterday
1) It never got above 35 degrees and I had to scrape ice off my windshield (all after being in the 70's the day before)
2) Cambria stayed home sick
3) I worked my butt off at Physical Therapy
4) Got some Visiting Teaching done
5) Did some shopping for our secret Christmas family
6) Watched Decota's Ballet and Jazz Christmas performances
7) Helped Declan get his last project of the semester finished
8) Fell asleep on the couch during Monday Night Football (right after I convinced Cambria that the Philadelphia Eagles are the Philadelphia Chickens, can't wait to here that one day in public!)

8 things on my wish list:
1) That the gifts we give our secret family to touch them for the better as much as their story has touched us.
2) That I can slow down and enjoy the season
3) That my family will all be safe over the holidays
4) That Rodney can find happiness and success in his job
5) That my kids will always feel loved and secure
6) That we can work together as a family to correct the faults of 2008 and make 2009 better
7) That I had another pair of great fitting jeans
8) That I could get these last 5 lbs off!

8 people I tag:
Unfortunately I think everyone that reads this has been tagged. If not- do it (Alicia, I don't think you have)

Our 1st boy

2008-12-08T10:15:00.003-06:00

Saturday was Perry Max's birthday. Thinking of his birthday always reminds me of how excited we were to have our 1st boy. I was 5 when he was born, and I remember it was soooo exciting. I remember praying that we could have a boy, and waiting for Heavenly Father to send it down with a string tied to its waist. That never happened, but we did get our boy. I remember he always had a smile on his cute little face, and his sisters thought he was the cutest thing around. We were also very curious about his boy parts, and would often squeeze in to get a closer look as mom changed his diaper. This curiosity provided one of my favorite funny memories, Brittani getting a face full of pee as mom changed his diaper. I can remember being so grossed out, yet laughing so hard. Perry has made us laugh from then on. He has always been a ham, whether he was waking up from a nap and telling us about his "Joseph Smith Nap School" he had just attended in his dreams, or whether he was (and still is) bending over to pick up a quarter with his pants lowered so that we get a full moon surprise. His off the wall personality always keeps you on your toes and your sides in stitches.
I have always had a soft spot for Perry. He has always had to struggle so much more than the rest of us when it has come to book smarts. I think that he always felt a little "dumber" than the rest, and did not allow himself to feel good about his accomplishments a lot of the time. He was not very athletic also, which I know he wanted to be (probably to please my dad) but just didn't love it. This all made him just a tad different than the rest of us, and did not help with his self-worth. This always killed me because I felt like you could never find a more sincere, caring, soft hearted person than Perry, and that was what he should have been seeing in himself. I think there was a period in his life he just felt lost and alone. He was at a young and pivotal age, and really could have chosen to go one way or the other. One summer he came to stay for a little bit with me and Rodney after Declan had been born. I really think he loved that visit, I know I did. He LOVED Declan to death. We enjoyed lazy days by the hot tub, walking to the grocery store where we would buy and then consume tons of ice cream, and just being together. I remember him saying that he knew that he did not want to do anything in his life that would ever keep him from having a family and being able to be a dad. I watched him as, on that visit, he put enough faith and value in himself to make commitments to himself that he would honor- because he was worth it. I watched as the years went by, and the scholastic struggles continued, yet he continued to have faith that everything would work out- and it has. I have learned so much from his example. I hope he can always feel as great about himself as we think he is.

Perry Max makes everyone laugh. It is a joy to be around him. He puts people at ease. He can make uncomfortable situations comfortable. My kids absolutely adore him (how could you not love the man that teaches you to pick your nose). There are no off limits, he will tease anyone, anywhere. When Rodney and I went to the temple to be sealed, we started out the day by doing baptisms for the dead so that we could include my siblings, and we could seal Rodney's extended family together. As we were waiting in the Las Vegas Temple waiting room we sat in this one area with a rounded ceiling. Perry knew that this ceiling was specially designed to make it so that you could whisper while sitting on one couch, and the acoustics would make the words travel to the couch sitting across from you, so that reverence could be kept. I was sitting next to Perry, and my mother-in-law, Myra, was sitting on the couch across from us. She was feeling really excited about the day because we were taking her dad's name trough the temple. Perry leaned over to me and said "watch this", and then went on to whisper "Myra, this is your father speaking." We watched as Myra's eyes got the size of saucers, and she turned to see if the person beside her had heard. We started laughing, and she turned to us and instantly knew it was Perry. Only he could have pulled that off and not been in trouble with Myra. We all, including Myra, got a good chuckle out of it.

Perry has become such an amazing man. He has still kept his little boy sense of humor (you know, farts are hilarious), yet he has become an incredible husband and father. Every time I look at him with his family I can't help but think of the little 15 year old boy that decided he would do whatever it took to ensure that he would be able to have his own family one day, and then did it. I am so proud of him and the person he is. He is a smart, compassionate, loving, funny, strong man- and I am so grateful he is my brother. I love you Perry Max. Happy Birthday!!!

Thanksgiving

2008-12-03T18:01:00.004-06:00

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I was a little bit sad about this years Thanksgiving because I was going to be the only mom since Kurt and Sam are both now divorced. I was envisioning me at home all alone while the boys all went to the game. Then I had a great surprise- Katie Allee called to tell me Jason had been soooo sweet and gotten us girls tickets, too. We ended up making plans with some friends from Dallas and meeting together to tailgate before the game. It was a lot of fun, and the Thanksgiving dinner served out of the back of the truck was wonderful. We had a really great time at the game, and I loved just being with my friends and cousins from home. It was so nice to be able to sit and visit with Katie and her sister (I sure love Katie). The rest of the guys visit was a lot of fun. My kids loved hanging out with the Todd boys, and us adults loved hanging out with each other (it is a good thing I have always felt like one of the guys). Even though there was not much estrogen in the house, it ended up being a really great weekend. I sure love my friends from home!

Poor Declan

2008-12-03T17:23:00.002-06:00

Poor Declan witnessed an accident while working out at school today. It is funny how you just know when something has happened as a parent. I drove up to school today to pick up the kids and saw an ambulance by the locker room at the middle school. My first instinct was to go over there and see what was going on because Declan was in conditioning during the last period. Instead I parked in my usual parking space and took a minute to think- was I panicked, no not really- did I feel like something had happened to my child, kind-of but not in a panicked way- did I need to go get in the way of the what was going on to make myself feel better, no. So instead of heading over there I checked my home phone voicemail to make sure there were no messages, and then relaxed. A few minutes later I saw Declan walking out to my car and I knew something was wrong- #1 he was supposed to go to cross country right after school, #2 he had that look like he could not get to me quick enough. As he entered the car I asked what was wrong as I reached over to hug him. He wrapped up in my hug and cried as he told me his friend that had been in front of him while conditioning had been running this little step course and had missed a step and the piece of equipment (which is old and all of the padding has long since gone away) had an unprotected spike protruding from it which caught his leg and stabbed him, ripping his leg open near his shin exposing his tendons and muscles. Declan was right behind him getting ready to run it next and saw everything 1st hand. Luckily, a coach was nearby and quickly came to help. Some kids ran for other coaches, some ran for the nurse, but Declan stayed in the vicinity until the ambulance left with him. The boy went into shock immediately, and I think that was the worst part for Declan. He got upset again later as he told me about how his friend couldn't even cry because he was so out of it. He is concerned because someone mentioned that he could loose his leg, but I have reassured him that that risk is very minimal and not worth stressing over until more facts are found out. I told him not to make himself sick thinking about the pain because his friend was pretty drugged up by now. He told me that he had been close enough to hear them talking about giving him tetanus shots and getting him morphine. He also told me that he never knew muscle was purple before now. That is when I realized the poor kid had really seen too much. We talked about how gruesome and shocking it is at first, but how they can get the body put back together so well and so fast, just like in surgery, and make a person fell better very soon. I think when he realized how quickly the trauma turns into fixing, turns into healing process works, he felt better. It is just so hard to see something like that, and for it to be a friend. The girls were very sweet to him, and did a great job of talking to him and comforting him. Cambria told Declan how strong she thought he was to have had so many things happen to his friends (from injuries to deaths) and to still be fine. It was really sweet to listen to them all talk together. My concern is the safety of the kids on all of this old equipment. I know I can not get panicked and freaked out about it, accidents rarely happen, but if it had been properly padded would this have happened? I know Declan is a bit freaked out that it could have been him, but the chances of him falling on it the exact same way are slim. Last year a kid lost his finger when another kid was playing around and slammed the locker shut on it. The lockers were so dirty and rusty that they could not save the finger. At that point I had to not freak myself out about the lockers, but reminded Declan to always remember to be careful and smart in everything he does. The sad thing is that accidents will always happen. They happen because someone is generally not paying attention, but 100% attention all of the time is impossible, so they will continue to happen. I just hope my kids are learning how to be smart in avoiding them.

My Papa

2008-11-23T19:38:00.002-06:00

Friday was my Papa's birthday. I have had him on my mind A LOT the past few days. I can not even begin to express how much I love this man. I love his little round belly (which is shrinking every time I see him) that I get to press my stomach on every time I hug him. I love his kisses every time he sees me. I love his beautiful wavy white hair. I love how intelligent he is. I love how you can look at him and SEE the love in his eyes for his grand kids and great grand kids. I love that he likes to be involved in our lives. I love that he includes me in his e-mails (some days they are just what I need to pick myself up). I love that he is not quick to judge someone, but is dimensional enough to look past things to see deeper things that others miss. I love that he is ALWAYS right, or at least thinks he is (I so got it from him). I love how you can feel his pride in you when he looks at you.

I have been very fortunate to have my Papa so present in my life. My childhood memories definitely include my Papa. I loved going to his house and getting a frozen Hershey's bar with almonds (the only candy bar that I will eat to this day, and for some reason LOVE even though I do not like chocolate). I fondly remember going to the farm with him and running around while he worked with the cows and horses ( I loved to run off to the duck pond). I remember his smell of dirt, sweat, and animals when he would kiss me goodbye when we left the farm. I also remember smelling his cowboy hats in his garage when I was little, just to have a whiff of Papa (disturbing huh). I remember going to try to cheer him up when one of his favorite horses died, and feeling special because I knew only we could make him feel better. I remember getting in trouble for taking off all of the stickers of his rubik's cube so that I could show him I beat it, how did he know! I remember a time when I felt totally lost and unsupported by any other member of my family, and my Papa stepping up to tell me it would all be OK, and that he would personally support me in any decision I made, and at that point knowing that I was unconditionally loved and would never be alone. I remember him walking me down the isle on my wedding day, and getting nervous about the decision I was making for the 1st time. He then told me about his own wedding day and how my Nanny had locked herself in a room and would not come out until they took the hinges off of the door. It immediately calmed me down and I was ready to go.

The times I was able to spend with my grandparent while my parents were on their mission will always be a treasure to me. The fact that I was able to hog them for my family is selfish, I know, but it is one of the best memories I will ever have. My husband loves and respects my grandparents as if they were his own. My children think of them as grandparents, not as great grandparents.

My Papa is a person with a rich history. I love to pick his brain and hear his stories. Every time I do I learn something new about him. He has had a full life. He has the drive of a 25 year old right out of school. No one would ever believe that this year he turned 84. He makes our lives now look like a cake walk. He has always shown me the importance of being involved in family, church and community. Because of his example I feel so strongly that my family needs to be involved in our community, and try to keep us involved in community projects. I see a lot of myself in him. Sometimes they are not the best traits (ones we like to refer to as Webb traits, but are always told by Papa that the Webb's were kind people who never spoke a harsh word, but are in fact Layton traits), but knowing that I share these traits with someone so wonderful makes me know I can have good qualities, too.

I love my Papa. I don't know how many more Birthdays we will be able to share with him, if I had my pick it would be 84 more. I can not even bring myself to think for a minute of a world without him in it. It will be a very sad day for me when his body can no longer keep up with his spirit, and he leaves it behind. I celebrate every year that we have him here to love, learn from, and enjoy. I have been so blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life, and to know of his love for me. I am so glad that my kids have such a wonderful relationship with him. I am blessed to be part of his posterity. Words could never adiquatly express my love for my Papa. It will just have to be enough to say "Papa, I Love You!" Happy Birthday!

The STORM has come

2008-11-21T09:04:00.003-06:00

Today Rodney entered, and I quote him, "a new level of geekdom". He got up early (5:00am) and went to the Verizon store to stand in line for the new Blackberry Storm phone that was released today. He has only done that one other time, last year when we got a hot tip on the shipment of a couple Wii's, and he went and sat for hours to get one for the kids for Christmas. Today he arrived and was the third in line. The guy in front of him was a big nerd I guess. Rodney felt nerdy just being there. Then the guy actually peed his pants waiting in line. Rodney felt so bad for him, but said he did not seem to mind. The store only got in 6, and the store is one of the biggest in the metroplex, so it will be in higher demand than we thought. His contract ran out a few months ago, and Verizon has been hounding him to sign a new one, so he got a SWEET deal on it. He paid $100 while others in the store were paying $400. He is not sure how he likes it yet, but I think he will end up loving it. He has needed to get e-mail on his phone for quite sometime. I think he will realize that by having his e-mail with him all of the time he will be even more free to be out and about and playing. All he really needs to work is his phone and e-mail, and now he has it all on one device. He feels a bit cool, and a bit nerdy. I think he is the cutest, coolest nerd around.

Helpless

2008-11-20T16:59:00.002-06:00

Last night I was the 2nd on the scene of an accident. I left to pick my kids up from mutual and the car in front of me slammed on her brakes and pulled into the center lane. I quickly slammed on mine and pulled in front of her not knowing what had happened. All I saw was one mini van blocking the road with all of the air bags deployed and its left back end crashed in. I thought, "Crap, of course the 1st day I am off my crutches and didn't put them in my car." As I hopped out I heard a voice yelling, panicking, "Help! Some one Help!!" I looked to my left and there was a man at the edge of the other lane laying there. I was so confused as to how he got there. He was a good 35-40 feet away from the car. The road we were on is a 50 mph road, and traffic was not quite slowing down yet, and because I could not move fast enough I could not get to him. Luckily the ladies behind me ran over and started talking to him. He was responsive and answered ?'s as they called 911. I asked someone to run over and check the people in the van because all of the airbags were deployed and covering up the windows, so I could not see in, but I could hear crying. It was too far for me to walk with my one bad leg, so, thankfully, a man ran over and checked them. I finally saw where the man laying in the road came from, a motorcycle that was about 25 feet away from him. I looked over at him again and was so relieved to realize he had helmet on, it was a long throw. I was so nervous that one of the cars flying by was going to run over him. We did not want to move him, I am sure there were several broken bones and he was in pain, so several of us tried to slow cars down, but they seemed to speed up as soon as they passed the van and would come so close to him. Finally an off duty police officer came and helped and seemed to spread people out more and the traffic slowed. It felt like forever until the ambulance and fire trucks got there. I just felt so helpless. I knew I could not get to any of them, all could do was continue to slow down traffic. I kept looking over at the man lying on the side of the road and thinking of my dad. As soon as help got there I got out of the way and headed to the church to tell everyone to take a different route home and warn the teenagers to drive slowly and safely. I was a bit shaken, not because it was bad or gory, just because of the thoughts that were running around in my head. Thought #1- I hate feeling helpless. I have to get better fast. Could I have done anything if it was just me there? Thought #2- Memories of the time Rodney and I saw a 14 year old girl get hit by a car going 50 mph down the street, and almost hitting her again as she flew into out lane. Being the 1st one to her and turning her to see if I could do CPR and realizing she had no recognizable face to work with. Sitting with her friend she was crossing the street with as we waited for the emergency services, and not knowing what to do to comfort her. Thought #3- Worrying about my Dad, brothers, brothers-in law, and husband as they ride their motorcycles, especially with no helmets. Knowing that Rodney, Scott, and Perry have all been hit by drivers that had not seen them and had somehow been fine. Thinking about my dad laying on the side of the road in this mans place and hoping that he would have someone there to help him and be as wonderfully comforting to him as the two women in the other car were. Thought #4- Thinking about my friend Melanie who just lost her dad in a motorcycle accident, and feeling so sad for her. I gave myself a minute to think, shake, and even cry, and then I got out of my car and went inside and called my sister and dad and asked them to remind everyone to be careful. Cambria was walking out the door with me last night to go pick-up the kids, and I suddenly turned to her and told her to just stay home. I told her that I did not feel good about her going, that it would be better just to stay home and relax and watch TV. It was not until later that night that I realized how glad I was that she had not been with me. I would hate for her to have been there. Even though it was not horrible, it leaves you shaken, and she did not need to see that. For someone who rarely feels prompted to do things, this was a perfect time to be prompted. I am truly grateful. You sure never imagine that an ordinary chore can turn into a testimony building experience, but it can.

Good News

2008-11-19T16:41:00.003-06:00

Today is filled with good news!

1st and foremost- Decota had an eye appointment with her retina specialist today. Everything is looking good, no wait, very good. All the inflammation that was spilling over into the back of her eye has gone away. The milkiness and haze in her eye is looking much clearer. There really is only one part of her eye that still has inflammation in it. What does this all mean for us? She will continue to take her pressure drops and nsaid drops in her eye 2x a day, but her steroid drops will now be decreased to ONCE a day. Considering the fact that in January she started using the steroid every hour, and up until July she had only decreased to using them every 2 hours, weaning all the way to 1 time a day in the last 4 months is pretty incredible. This specialist we started seeing in July has been so great for her! She does not have to go back to the eye doctor for 3 months!!! Until July she was going to the eye doctor every week for months at one point, at the least once every 3 weeks. She was also seeing another Dr at the hospital every other month, but he has decided that our new Dr has it under control, so he will not start seeing her again until she is in remission. After her eye appointment in Arlington we drove to Dallas to have her blood work done at Scottish Rite Hospital to make sure everything is still great with her body as she takes the chemo. So far there has been no negative effects, and I am sure the results will remain the same. Once her eye is fully weened of drugs and stays clear, they will start to lower her doses of Methotrexate until she is off of it. It is still a long way down the road, but it is in view now, and Decota is thrilled to feel like it really might come. She does not have any more appointments until January when she will have her next blood work done and her rheumatology check up, and then February for her eyes. She feels so free!!! As we walked out of the hospital she said "Have I ever told you how much I LOVE MY hospital?". Yes- every time we come she tells me several times, but I will never tire of hearing how much she loves it. I love it too!

2nd- I had my check up today and I am crutches free- well technically. I am slow, and get very tired fast as my leg cramps up as I try to walk, but I will get there. It is amazing how fast you forget how to walk, and my kids make fun of me as I remind myself how to place my foot- but this walking thing is harder than you realize. I am just so excited to get moving on my own again and only have a few limitation put on me and not tons. I am supposed to be jogging for 30 min by my next appointment in 6 weeks. Right now that seems impossible to me, but I know I will get there before I know it.

3rd- Rodney is on his way home. Need I say any more.

Last, but certainly not least- TWILIGHT IS OUT IN THEATERS IN 2 DAYS. I am going to get my ticket tonight. I can't wait! I certainly don't think it will be as absolutely wonderful as the book, but I am HOPING it will do it enough justice. I can't wait to fall for Edward all over again:)

So this concludes my good news for today- YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alicia

2008-11-17T09:25:00.002-06:00

I have been a slacker. November 13th was Alicia's birthday and I am just now getting around to writing a bit about her. I have been thinking about her, but just have not taken the time to sit down and write my thoughts. Well, I'm sitting today!

Some of my best memories of Alicia are from when she was in High School. I used to love to come down and visit with her. At that time in my life I did not feel particularly comfortable at Rodney's parents home, but Alicia always eased my worries and made me feel included. I loved sitting on her bed talking about life. She would fill me in on the latest details of her love life and social life. She would read me e-mails and notes from boys that I knew she would not share with just anyone. She was always plotting things to do, and including me. I loved the simplest things, like driving into town to rent a movie with her, because I felt wanted. When she went to college I was so excited that she wanted me to come along. I had so much fun leaving my kids at the hotel with Myra and Danny and running around all night with Alicia showing her the town and pretending like I was still young. I have always appreciated how much Alicia seems to genuinely want me around. She has made some very apprehensive times for me become very enjoyable times.

Alicia is a go getter. If she wants something she will find a way to get it- nothing will get in her way. She is confident and a leader. She does not let other people decide how she will feel about herself or tell her what to do, she decides all of that for herself. She is someone that just knows deep down to her core what is right and what is wrong- and always chooses the right. She is such a strength to her family and friends.

It has been a lot of fun to have her and Dustin closer. I have enjoyed all of the time that we have been able to spend together lately. She is like a grown up child- always ready to play. My kids love that she will not only participate in activities with them, but instigate the activity. I love that she can get everything done and still have time to have fun.

I am so grateful that I have Alicia in my family. She is such a wonderful sister, daughter, wife, mother, aunt, and (especially for me) friend. I hope that I can be more like Alicia do better at and making people feel wanted and comfortable around me. I hope that I can continue to be more confident in myself so that I can be there to lift others up, like Alicia does. I hope that I can follow her example of staying young by playing young, and taking the time to instigate fun with my kids. I love Alicia very much and am so lucky to have her as a friend and a sister in law. Happy Birthday Alicia!

Homesick

2008-11-14T10:44:00.002-06:00

Yes, it is possible to be homesick while you are sitting in the comfort of your home. I don't know why, but I have had the blues for the last week. I can't figure out if it is the fact that I was able to spend so much time with my mom lately, or that I did not get to see my dad enough on his short visit, or if it is because I was not able to help out with Chelsey's kids while she was in Spain. What ever it is- I miss home. I love Texas, it has been a blast to live here, I don't remember being homesick since we have moved here- but since my surgery I have missed home. I think it is because I have spent SOOOOO much time at home this past 5 weeks. I have had time to realize a few things- I have no friends to call up and invite over to scrapbook, or just do nothing with- I have no one to go to a movie or sit on my couch and watch a movie with- I have no mom or sisters around to cry on their shoulder when I have pushed as hard as I feel I can and now want to collapse and die- I have no one to talk girl to girl with- I have no one to make me feel it is OK to just slack off sometimes- I am alone. Since we have moved here I have been so wrapped up in my family that I have not really ever thought about it. I seem to run 90-nothing all the time, all for the benefit of my family. I love the bonding between my family that has occurred since we have moved here- it has been irreplaceable. I just never realized that I have NO ONE to do nothing with. I have always been surrounded by great friends and family. I have always been VERY social. I am not here. I have many friends on my street, I love them. We all have busy schedules though, and so getting together is hard for all of us. I do not have any good church friends. There are many people I really like at church, but I don't have any great friends. This is mostly because I have shut myself out since I have been here. I have been so focused on my family. Most people my age have much younger children so I have less in common with them. Rodney really has not clicked with people in our ward. He is not real happy there, and is very alone. It is hard for me to watch him be unwilling to try to get to know people there. I like our ward ok, it just doesn't feel like "home" being there. It took our kids awhile to adjust to it, but I think they enjoy it now. I just want the to feel at home there. I am just in that funny stage where my kids take us so much time that friendships become less important. I just have had a lot of extra time to think about it lately. I am jealous of the fact that my sisters get to get together and can apples, scrapbook, walk, babysit. I am jealous of the time they get to spend with mom and dad and Nanny and Papa. I am also so happy that they are all together and enjoying it so much. This is my families time to be a family and learn to be dependant on each other. I am so thankful for this time. I am SO glad that I have Rodney, he makes a wonderful best friend and is good company. I just wish I could teleport real quick and play a quick game with my nieces and nephews, hug my beautiful sisters, brothers, and their spouses, spend time in the kitchen with my mom, watch a movie with my dad, enjoy a conversation with my grandparents on their couch- and then be back home before my kids are out of school. I am sure glad we have the computer to keep in touch. I feel so much more a part of their lives since we have started blogging. Hey- maybe that's why I'm homesick!

Forever my baby

2008-11-09T18:38:00.002-06:00

This week Declan had the stomach flu. I can honestly never remember any of my children having the stomach flu quite like he did. He was doing great Wednesday night, and then about 10:30 it all started. He threw up all night, at least every hour. It wasn't wimpy little throwing up, but house shaking throwing up. I felt so horrible for him. He was so tired, but he could not sleep. I barley slept either. I kept worrying that he wasn't breathing, or some silly thing like that, and kept getting up to check on him. Every time I went in his room he would say "Hi mom. I'm still up, but you need to sleep so go back to bed." Of course I couldn't so I laid there and scratched is head and back, or cleaned up messes, or brought him medicine and water most of the night. He would eventually fall asleep, and my leg would cramp up, so I would head back to bed. About an hour later I would wake up panicked that he was not breathing and hobble back in there to find him awake again. Finally at about 6:00 he fell into a deep sleep and slept until about 11:00. We laid around together all day and just tried to rest and relax. He couldn't keep anything down except ginger-ale, so by the time I put him to bed I was worried about him being dehydrated and starving. Luckily, I was so tired that I slept well that night. When we woke up he was starving! He had a bowl of Chicken Noodle Soup for breakfast, and kept it down. For lunch he ate Chicken Noodle again, so by dinner when he wanted a Chicken sandwich from McDonald's (something I don't usually let him eat), I was more than willing to feed him anything to get him eating again. Rodney was a bit annoyed with how much I worried about him (although he would definitely expect the same amount of worry if her were in Declan's shoes), but I just couldn't help it. I was laughing at therapy about the fact that he is 13 1/2 years old, yet I still feel like he is my baby. I was checking to make sure he was breathing just like you do a newborn. I sat next to him all day for 2 days just to make sure he had everything he needed. I know it is horrible to say, but- Declan, I am afraid you will always be my little boy. You are taller than me, you outweigh me, but I still feel the need to hold you in my arms and make everything better. I don't know if I will ever grow out of those feelings, but I guess for now I will just be grateful that you still feel comforted while in my arms. I am so glad that you are still so willing to be "Mama's Little Boy".

6 of my Randoms...

2008-11-05T12:58:00.003-06:00

I have been tagged by Brittani to share 6 things about me that people may not know (or you may and I am just kidding myself). Here I go:
1) I HATE antique malls and most antiques. I don't mind some heirloom form my grandmother, or things like that where I know where they have been and how they have been cared for, but anything else- YUCK! I am so grossed out by old dust and the smell of old ick. I can''t bear to think of all of the old germs that may have touched it. Antique malls give me major he-be-je-bez! I can't help but imagine everything in there being kept in some disgustingly filthy pack rats home with years and years of filth on it. I get bad headaches when I go to one, and need to take a shower after (sometimes I even break down and cry while in one). I love restored old buildings and even some restored furniture pieces (but honestly most of them are just plain ugly to me, they have to many frills), but I do not even want to be around most old junk. Rodney thinks I have an irrational phobia of it.
2) I love history (doesn't quite go along with hating antiques, does it). I love to learn about people, times and places. I love to see antiques in this setting, and to go back in time. I feel like my eyes are opened up and my view of the world expanded so much as I get into the minds of people in different periods and times. History helps me have a better understanding of, tolerance for, and compassion for people that are so different than myself. I truly feel like I am awakened as I learn about history.
3) I HATE to lose. I am a competitive person. I try not to be. I am not athletic, I am not a sports nut, I am not your average competitor- but I HAT TO LOOSE. Ask anyone who has played a board game with me. My talons come out and I have a hard time not calling people names. I then seem to hold a grudge, even if I try not to show it, and have to talk myself down from the loss. I am not a very gracious looser, even when I have no real say in the result (such as the election- I was not going to listen to Obama's acceptance speech, and then had to walk away for a bit and convince myself I should listen). I just get upset and have to clam myself back to reality. When I have a challenge in front of me, such as physical therapy, I want to not only do it, but do it better than most. If someone says I should complete this in 2 weeks, I want to in one. I have always lived by the rule- anything you can do I can do better. Although I know that is not true (especially when it comes to running, sports, making a living, cooking, most everything) I always find myself trying to do better than expected.
4) I HATE to do my nails. I hate cutting them. I hate filing them. I hate painting them. I only paint my toenails because I feel like they look so hideous if I don't (and I wait at least a month between polishings- yes, most of the paint is chipped off by then). I never paint my fingernails- they chip in two days! I hate to spend money on pedicures because, while I enjoy someone rubbing my legs and feet, I feel like it was a waste of money when my heals are still cracked and dry the next day and my polish is chipped in a week.
5) I LOVE to travel. I think I could find joy in going almost anywhere. I just live to go. There is so much world to see, landscapes to explore, historical stories to be told, and people to meet. I think I could just live in hotels and be happy, as long as I was sight seeing, learning and going (but not an old hotel with old furniture- yuck). My favorite feeling is having my family in the car, heading out on the road together. I always think "the most important things in my life are all right here with me. While we are gone the house could burn to the ground, but I will have lost nothing because my whole world is in this tiny car." I love the opportunity to learn and explore together, and it creates a harmony and bond that is amazing!
6) My favorite snack in the whole world is CHIPS & SALSA. I could eat them for breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, dessert, anytime. I especially love thin tortilla chips and salsa with a lot of flavor. I love salsa in many different flavors- but it has to be flavorful. I love the tomato, the spices, the herbs. Texas has some wonderful salsas that have a wonderful smoke flavor because the chili's are roasted over wood. My mouth is watering thinking about it!
I hope you enjoyed learning a little more about me. I am tagging mom, Laura, Alicia, and Melanie. Your turn!

Fall is here

2008-10-29T09:22:00.002-05:00

I don't know why, but I am not a huge fan of fall. I love spring- The colors are so vibrant as they come out and after a long dreary winter, and I am so thankful to get out of my frumpy sweaters and put on a t-shirt. I love summer- I love the feel of the sun on my skin, I love to be hot, I love to drink ice water all day and not get cold from it. I used to like fall somewhat, back when I lived in New Mexico. It signaled a time for things to slow down and time to spend more time with the family. The colors were beautiful as the trees turned yellow, orange and red. You would think with all of the trees in Texas we would have a beautiful fall- WRONG. Fall here stinks. The trees just turn a sickly yellow and then brown and fall everywhere. There are no brilliant color shows, not fiery backdrops, just dead leaves. I hate to be cold. I much prefer sweating than shivering. I do not like to have to get up in the dark, or to be at practice and it be dark- at 7:00. I love to wake up with the sun and play late into the night. I am not ready to pull out sweaters again, I get so sick of them. Fall is not a time to slow down any more- life just keeps truckin' on by. The kids are just busy no matter what time of year it is. The only thing that is worse than fall is winter. I liked it better in New Mexico where we had a real winter and could go into the mountains and play in the snow. It felt like winter there. Here it just gets cold, and with all the humidity in the air it chills you to the bone. I just feels like a cold, fake winter without snow. Thank goodness it doesn't last to long here. It is nice to get a break from watering the lawn and running the AC- two very expensive things here, so I always remind myself of that to make me feel better. I do, however look forward to the day I am back in my bathing suit laying at the pool. I guess I will go switch up the kids closets and bring their warm clothes forward. Fall is knocking at my door, telling me it has arrived.

Time for an attitude adjustment

2008-10-27T09:47:00.002-05:00

When Decota was little, and we were both mad and upset (which seems to happen to both of us at the same time, often), we would decide it was time for an attitude adjustment. In order to change our attitude we would turn each other's noses upside down and make a cute little sound effect. At that point we would laugh, hug, and life was good again. I think I am about ready to twist everyone's nose right now. We are in serious need of an attitude adjustment in the Johnson home.
Thursday Rodney parents called to let us know that they would be coming down with Alicia, Dustin and Logan for the weekend. Rodney also found out that he would have to go to Houston on Friday to watch a test being preformed for work. When I took the kids to school on Friday I made them promise to come home ready to pitch in and help me get the house clean. I decided I was going to work real hard and get at least the downstairs done by myself while they were at school. It literally took me the WHOLE school day to get my downstairs done. It took me so long to hop on one leg everywhere and clean. Vacuuming, sweeping, and moping were KILLERS. It took me at least 5 times as long as normal to do them. I was hot, sweaty, and sore, but I was determined to do it all on my own and surprise the kids. By the time picked them up from school I was EXHAUSTED. I had completed everything downstairs, did all the laundry (I developed a really great way to haul laundry baskets around by sticking my bad foot in it and dragging it behind as I hobble on my crutches), and had done all of my room except for the vacuuming in there. All the kids had left were their rooms, bathrooms, and basic chores. I thought they would be so grateful for all that I did to make it easier for them, and that they would pitch in and get it all done in 1/2 an hour. I was wrong. 3 hours later I was TICKED that I had told them to get busy a million times, and they were still goofing off. I finally yelled at them and told them to get off their lazy butts and get it done NOW! I was then informed what a rotten mom I was and how horribly I talked to my kids. Decota tried to tell me that she had a party to be at so she couldn't do her chores, she had run out of time. I didn't let her get away with that and told her that she had to finish to go- She was an hour late and was not a happy camper. By the time our company came I was aggravated- both at my kids for being such brats, and at myself for not being able to do all that I usually can. When Rodney's parents got here his mom took me to the grocery store to help me get my shopping done. I am too stubborn to ride in one of those conspicuous motorized obesity carts, so I hobbled all through the store on my crutches. By 10:00pm we were home, Rodney was back home, and the groceries were put away, but I was sore and tired. Instead of going to bed being thankful for all that I achieved in the day, I went to bed frustrated that I was so irritated with my kids and that it was taking me so much effort to do anything.
Saturday I was sore. I enjoyed the day of soccer and hanging out, but I was sore (my armpit would burn like an electric charge if my crutch put any pressure on the right place). I just felt tired and blah. I hate to feel that way when I have company because that is when it is time to play, but I was just blah.
Sunday I think we were all done for. My armpit was killing me. I had to hold my crutches a different way so that it would not touch my armpit at all, but that cramped up my hands. I felt like I was moving like a turtle, and was, quite frankly, trying to do the least I could so I didn't have to move to much. I had asked for my kids help several times, and they started saying "NO, we are sick of helping you." I was feeling SO frustrated. I am sick of asking for help. I like to do things on my own. I hate that I can't even carry a glass of water upstairs by myself. I was so mad that they flat out refused to help. No matter what, I am the mom and they should do as they are told- period. It all made me very emotional, and felt like crying on and off all day. I started being ornery to them, and when they asked for help on things I would say "I am sick of helping you"- which made me feel bad, but also made me feel good, like an 8 year old brat who "just showed you". By night I was feeling guilty, so I cooled it and helped Decota and Cambria out with some projects. Once again I was pooped by bedtime.
This morning I got up and got the kids ready. I was determined to make it a better day. Before I knew it Declan and Decota are fighting, hitting, and shoving each other. They started yelling an screaming at me to get up and fix their fight. I was instantly fired up. They had been piddling all morning. They were doing things to just irritate each other. I was done. Rodney heard them and he was done. We got everyone around the breakfast table and #1 grounded Declan and Decota all weekend next weekend, #2 lectured them on helping out, and #3 told everyone to change their attitude. They left for school with a little bit better of an attitude, but a long way to go. I am blogging with a little bit better of an attitude, but have a long way to go also.
I guess it is up to me to get my head on straight before they come home. I need to do something to set the tone for the week when they walk in the door. I will rest a while today and get some of my energy back. They want to go to this Trunk-or-Treat thing at the church tonight (notice I did not call it STIPID Trunk-or-Treat thing, which is how I feel), and I have told them no way; so I guess I could just buck up and do it because they want to (have I ever told you how much I hate Halloween- ugh, bad attitude). I will have a yummy dinner ready that smells great when they walk in the door, that always puts me in a good mood. I am going to only use my nice voice (I figure even if it sounds fake at first, my mood will eventually catch on, right). I am going to not think about all that I can't do right now, and get over it. This is temporary, I am not permanently disabled. I have figured out how to do almost everything. I am not going to whine over a couple of lost conveniences. I am LUCKY that I will soon be whole and fixed. My family is TOTALY capable of helping me out, I would do it for them, and I am NOT raising spoiled rotten brats that expect the world to wait on them hand and foot. They are good kids, they are just tired too. This all affects them also. I guess in the end it is OK for all of my family to be human, it is just time for all of us to suck it up and be better. It is time for an attitude change.

Bodies Rock

2008-10-22T22:05:00.006-05:00

Today I saw my doctor for my 2 week follow-up. It AMAZES me how wonderfully the body works, and how quickly it fixes itself. How can you look at a body and not see a miracle. I had all of the tape that was on my incisions removed, and was amazed to see my leg healed- no stitches, no staples, just pulled back together with tape. It is so cool. I also got about 4 pages full of pictures of my surgery. It is amazing what doctors can do to fix us. I love those pictures and am so excited to show them to anyone that will look! My new ligament is BEAUTIFUL. It is so big and looks so strong. I am so excited. I also was able to see my meniscus, and it was pretty cool. It was not only torn, but it had come unattached in a spot and would fold over itself. My doctor (who I think is awesome) told me that he ended up cutting part of it off because it was so torn up and was in a place that allowed him to remove it, and then he reattached the rest of it. My therapist and I were hoping that I would be able to put some weight on it this week, but my doctor said it was too substantial of a tear, and that I would have to wait 2 more weeks. In 2 weeks I will be able to put 25 lbs of pressure on it, and then a week later 50 lbs. So the bad news is- 4 more weeks on crutches, 4 more weeks with this DANG anti-embolism sock (although he is letting me take it off at night now), and I only get to go to therapy (which I love) 1 time a week for the next 4 weeks (my insurance only allows me 18-20 therapy visits, and I have accomplished all that I can do there for now, and I am motivated enough to do the exercises on my own at home, so they want to save the rest for when I can walk again). The good news- I can get my whole leg wet now, no more ace bandage, I am healing very well, and my doctor called me superwoman and told me he wished all of his patients were like me (because I have worked so hard and my movement great, and mostly because I have not taken any pain pills since 36 hours after my surgery). I just feel so lucky in this whole ordeal- #1 because my husband and kids are AWESOME and have totally stepped up and made this very easy and guilt free, #2 because my mom and dad have been so great with all of their help and support, #3 because I am so pleased with my doctor and my therapist, and #4 because I will not have to worry about every little thing popping my knee out- I WILL BE FIXED! I can't believe how wonderfully this has all worked out! I am so pleased with my results, my supportive family, and my miraculous body!

Life in the slow lane!

2008-10-21T08:38:00.003-05:00

I have not written in what feels like forever. I just do not seem to have anything great to write about. I feels like my days are flying by with me only accomplishing a couple of minute things. This weekend we were out the door to soccer at 9:00am. At 3:00 we were finally finished and headed to a restaurant to get an sandwich for "linner". We went to a place we had never been called "Life's a Beach". It kind of had a caribbean flair to all of it's dishes, and I ended up with Caribbean Jerk Chicken Nachos which were very yummy. We sat indoors so we could watch football, but the whole wall was glass doors that were opened, so it was like sitting on the patio. At the edge of the patio were sand volleyball courts. The weather was so beautiful, the kids were having so much fun playing volleyball, Rodney was enjoying the OU vs Kansas Game, and I was so comfortable with my leg propped up and watching the kids that we ended up staying 3 hours. After we got home Rodney and I went to a Halloween party, I was dressed as a broken Cowboys team, Rodney was dressed as the Cowboys guardian angel who is on vacation (complete with wings, a lei, and a grass skirt). It was fun. We finally got home at 10:30, and I was pooped. Luckily church had been moved to 1:00, so we were able to sleep in and get our chores done. After church I decided to make a decent dinner, but it sure took me a lot longer than normal. The kids had a fireside and I was pushing it to get it made and them out the door on time. I was pooped by that evening, and just cuddled up with Cambria and watched Food Network. Yesterday I had physical therapy, and my therapist pushed me hard. He introduced more exercises into my routine, and put weights on my legs for old exercises. My movement has gotten really good, so he feels like, until I can put weight on it, there is not much else he can help me with. I only get 20 visits from my insurance, so he does not want to use them up until I get to put weight on my leg. I will go on Wednesday again, and then go to the Doctor, but if he doesn't release me to put weight on it (which I doubt he will) I will only go to therapy 1 time a week until I am released. I will just have to work out a home. Yesterday afternoon I ran with Rodney to get dog food and new A/C filters. I was SO exhausted by the time we got back. Every muscle in my body ached. When the kids got home I think they could tell I was beat. They all got right to work on their homework and got it done. I laid in bed with Declan and watched part of a movie with him, and then when he went to bed I did too. I never go to bed before 11:00, but last night I went to bed at 9:45. I slept all night, no waking up to adjust or anything. Today I do not have anything except Declan's football game, so I am going to take it easy, elevate and ice my leg, and watch some TV (rough life huh). Rodney and the kids have been SO WONDERFUL since mom left. My house is spotless, and they are so sweet and helpful. I sure appreciate how much they show me they love me. Hopefully my Dr will have a good report for me tomorrow! (I am so ready to take off this uncomfortable anti-embolism sock!!!) I am sure he will. I may be tired, but I feel pretty dang good.

Physical Therapy

2008-10-14T16:05:00.002-05:00

Today I had my 1st Physical Therapy appointment. It felt so great to get my leg moving. It is amazing how quickly the muscles try to run away and hide. It was very hard to get any definition in my quad when I was flexing it- and it has only been one week. He put a shocker on my leg that would send pulses into my quad muscle and make it tighten up, and then I would use my strength to try to tighten it further. After a few minutes of it you could see a resemblance of a muscle again. It actually felt great though! I felt really good when we were all done, and my movement had increased quite a bit in the hour and a half I was working it. I have to go 3 times a week, which stinks in some ways, but is great in others. I like the feeling of working out and breaking a sweat, and I feel quite invigorated to be moving my body. I can feel my strength grow by leaps and bounds everyday, and my comfort is getting so much better.
Today mom spent the afternoon baking and freezing treats for the kids so that I could pull them out for them after she left. She is definitely going to get me the good mom award for all of her efforts. She has spoiled us SO MUCH while she has been here!!!! It will be so sad when she leaves, but I'm sure she will be ready to take a month long nap! It has been so nice to have her around, and I am hoping now that I am feeling better, we might be able to enjoy each others company a little more over the last few days!
I am so glad that the worst is behind me and that the best is yet to come!

October 10, 2008- Decota turns 12!

2008-10-12T15:11:00.003-05:00

I can't believe how quickly 12 years has passes me by. Twelve years ago Decota made a statement as she came into the world. I think she has been making them ever since. Let me explain.

I was not ready for Decota to be born. I had a lease that was up within a couple days, was waiting on our first house to close, and had a million things to do. Decota's pregnancy had not been the easiest one. Although I felt great, I was having a lot of pain in my side because of the way she was laying on my hip. At times my left leg would kind of drag behind, and I worried that she might break my hip when she came out. It also seemed that she was not growing like she should. There was very little amniotic fluid in the sac, and the Dr. was very worried about this. He was also worried about my body because of how many times I had been pregnant within the last year (Declan's pregnancy, five months later when I was pregnant again and then miscarried three months into it, and then two weeks after my miscarriage when I found out I was pregnant with Decota). Towards the end of my pregnancy with her I was going in for ultrasounds every week. I kept telling her that I needed her to be 2 weeks late. In true Decota fashion, she didn't listen. I went in for an ultrasound one morning, and because she was showing signs of stress, did not seem to have gained any weight in the last month or so ( he thought she was 4 lbs max), and my body was starting into labor, the doctor decided I needed to be at the hospital by noon to be induced! I was not ready! I had totally convinced myself she would be late, and it was 8 days early. After I was in the hospital for a couple of hours and things were progressing, Decota's heart rate dropped in half and her stress levels increased. Everything was kind of a blur to me at that point, but I do remember that I was not fully dilated so the Dr. told me he would have to try to dilate me by hand, I remember they had life flight ready to take Decota to Albuquerque, and I remember him saying I had to push really hard while he tried to vacuum her out or I would have to have an emergency C-section. I also remember that there was a lot of family there, and nobody quite knew where to go. They wanted to give me privacy, yet they also wanted to know exactly what was going on. At one point the nurse asked me if she should send everyone away, but I did not care - I just wanted Decota to be out and healthy. And then, all of a sudden, there she was. Out, stress gone, heart rate normal, healthy, and 6 pounds (my biggest baby)! In the end, I think all of the drama was created by Decota just so everyone knew she was coming and it would be a grand entrance to remember. She seemed to say "I'm here world, and I am going to show everyone that I can fight through anything and come out stronger than you could ever guess!".

12 years later not much has changed. Decota is still a fighter, and she still loves a dramatic effect. She still has a way of sucking people in and keeping every one's attention on her (In a good way, thank goodness). She has had a life full of unusual events- Her Arthritis and Iritis of course, and all of the hospitals and doctors that come with those diseases, being attacked by a cat and bitten by it all over resulting in a trip to the ER, stuffing a whole cardboard nerds box and a paper towel up her nose while traveling because she was bored- another trip to the ER, a broken arm on the day 1st day of our move into our new house in Texas- ER again, knocking out 2 teeth on the tramp that came out through her lip- yep, ER again. And when she is not at the doctors or in the ER, she is busily involved in everything. She loves parties, spend the nights, riding bikes, going on walks, swimming, shopping, doing hair, doing nails, doing makeovers, dancing, playing soccer, going to sports events, being involved in school organizations, and talking on the phone. Life is one big social event for Decota, and she always seems to end up the belle of the ball. Through all of the good and bad in her life she just keeps surprising us with all that she can accomplish in such a positive manner.

Today was Decota's first day in Young Women's (another social event she has been greatly anticipating). I was not able to go to church today because of my knee, so Rodney got to go into Young Women's and do her official introduction to the girls. I love it when he gets a chance to say wonderful things about the kids in front of people because they are so heartfelt;yet, at the same time I felt like I missed out. If I was there this is what I would have said:

I am here to tell you all a little about your new friend Decota. I know that several of you are quite a bit older than her, but I can guarantee you she will be your friend. Decota is someone that somehow can magically break down the barriers of age and become a friend to anyone. She is very easy to talk to, and loves to listen. Although she loves to joke and tease, you will always know that when she is serious everything she says is very genuine and sincere, and she truly wants anyone that is around her to be comfortable and happy. Decota is a fighter- she not only fights for her health, she fights for her friends, she fights for fairness, she fights for people's feelings, she fights for what's right. Decota loves to be active. She is willing to jump in and try anything. She is not afraid to get her hands dirty and work hard. She loves order and organization and can easily whip a group, or a room, into shape. Decota loves to dance. Music has always been a joy for her, and she has always bopped right along to the beat. She works very hard at her dance classes, and I have no doubt that whatever she decides she wants to do with this talent, she has the ability to do it. I believer that everyone in this room will have their life blessed because of Decota's presence in it. I also believe that everyone in this room will bless Decota in her own life in their own, special, individual way. She can learn so much from all of the girls in Young Women's- please give her the opportunity to learn from you. I am so proud of the beautiful girl that Decota is. I have enjoyed her personality over the last 12 years, and have become a better person because of her in my life. I am so excited to watch her grow and blossom into an even more beautiful daughter of God as she learns and realizes her potential in this world, and as she develops an even greater relationship with her Father in Heaven. I love you Decota, and welcome to Young Women's!

It is always sad when one phase in life ends- but then it is always exciting as another one begins. I will never have a chubby cheeked little Decota with her Disney dress-ups, feather boa, and plastic high heels dragging a baby doll around the house anymore, and that makes me a bit sad (thank goodness for cameras and scrapbooks). However, I am excited to watch the now tall and lean faced Decota in her fashionable clothes, matching accessories, and "cute" shoes drag her homework around as she talks on the phone and blares music in the background. I know that the next few years may get rocky at times, that there will be many times when she may forget she likes me, and that I may feel like I'm riding a rollercoaster; however, I know that in the end I love Decota, Decota loves me, Decota is an incredible girl. I know that everything will turn out great, and that this exciting stage of growing up will only happen once in her lifetime- and I want to be there to share in every aspect of it. I am so glad she is mine, and I know (even when she says otherwise) that she feels the same way about me.

I love you Decota. Continue to have the courage to fight for what is right. Shock the world as you defeat obstacles in your way. Make this place better because you are here. And always remember- no matter how old you are, you will always be my sweet little princess!

On The Road to Recovery

2008-10-11T15:46:00.005-05:00

I really did not expect this surgery to be such a big deal. I was sure I would be walking around pretty good by now, and that I would be shocking the pants off of everyone as I "recovered so fast". I was wrong! It has been 3 days since my surgery and I am still camped out in bed. Let me tell you a bit about it:

Day 1- Rodney and I left the house at about 5:45 am to get to the surgical center for my ACL reconstruction. I was excited, and really not the least bit nervous. When they called me back for pre-op I kissed Rodney good-bye and hopped on back to get this thing over. After I was all dressed, IV'd, and ready, they called Rodney back to sit with me. This was not something that he was expecting to have to do, and I could see that he was not thrilled to have to be in the "hospital" area. They prepped my leg and ran through the procedure with us, and then gave me a little something to "help me relax". Relax nothing- I can't remember a single thing after that, although Rodney told me I got quite chatty after that. I guess as they wheeled me back to the operating room I was talking their ears off (I just hope I didn't ask the doctor to make all of this really worth it and make my boobs bigger while he was working on me!) It was supposed to be an easy procedure and I was supposed to be out of surgery in an hour to and hour and a half. Well, I guess the doctor had never been warned, nothing is just "easy" with me. When he got in there he realized that the artificial ligament that had been put in there previously had broken down and turned into "tons of tiny threads of spaghetti" in my leg. He had to do a lot of drilling and vacuuming to get it all out, and I guess he had to constantly unclog his vacuum because there was so much junk. Then he also realized that my meniscus was torn, so he had to fix that as well. In the end the surgery ended up taking 2 1/2 hours, and is going to set my healing time back a bit. When I woke up he told me that I was not allowed to put weight on my leg for 4 weeks!!! I was sure I'd be walking the next day. He also told Rodney I could be quite sore because of all of the drilling and moving of tissue he had done to get everything out. When we left the surgical center I felt great. I came home and sat downstairs and visited most of the day and felt wonderful. I never got emotional, I never threw up, I never felt much pain. All I needed was a few Advil here and there, and I was bending my leg like it was no big deal. I enjoyed being around everyone that night and thought "This is a breeze. I will be back at it soon, no problem." That night I decided to take one pain pill when I went to sleep just to make sure I was comfortable all night.

Day 2- I woke up a bit more sore Thursday. I could feel some swelling starting to kick in, so I decided to take it easy and just stay in my bed with my leg elevated. As the day wore on I got more and more stiff. I took 3 pain pills throughout the day, and was amazed how much the pressure on my bandages seemed to be growing by the hour. Mom and Rodney babied me all day, and I just laid there, reading, sleeping and just zoning out. By afternoon I hurt from my mid thigh the tip of my toe. My calf and ankle were pretty dang sore. By the end of the evening, I was pooped and ready to get some relief. This day was definitely harder than I expected. I took 2 pain pills when I went to bed at 10:00, and fell into a deep sleep.

Day3- Friday I woke up at 2:30 am and laid there monitoring my pain as is crept back into my leg. At 3:00 I decided to take another 2 pain pills to stay on top of the pain and get some more rest. At 5:30 I woke up feeling like my whole body was so heavy I was sinking into the bed. I felt like my chest was so heavy It was squishing my lungs. I monitored my breathing, and realized that I was breathing just fine, but could not convince myself that it was fine enough to not have to blow up my body like a balloon to relieve the weight. I laid there and took big breaths that I imagined where "blowing me up". I then laid there and envisioned the air leaking out as my body went flat again. Of course I then had to take some more big breaths to blow up my chest again. I knew in my head that I really was not anything to help, but I couldn't help doing it. I finally got up and stretched a bit, moving my leg around and breathing. I thought about going to the bathroom, but decided I was to dizzy and heavy to try to make it, so I laid back down and slipped back into sleep. I remember waking up a couple times as the kids were getting ready, and yelling out that I loved them, but I don't think anyone heard. The next thing I knew, mom was bringing me pancakes and eggs and the kids were gone. It took me awhile to eat them, I kept finding myself staring into space. When I got done I decided I needed to shake off the funk I was in and get up and get ready (to sit in bed again all day). Rodney and I started talking about how we hadn't even gotten to wish Decota "Happy Birthday" that morning (I was asleep and he was in the shower when she left for school) and decided to call her on her new cell phone and leave her a message telling her Happy Birthday (we did celebrate it Wednesday night and she had opened all of her presents then). When Rodney called her she did not have it off, and he heard her open it and say "It's mine, I'm so sorry!". A few minutes later she called us back upset that something may be wrong at home, and upset because she had gotten in trouble for having her phone on at school. I talked to her and tried to calm her down, but she broke into hysterical crying. I then talked to her teacher and told her what had happened and apologized. She told me she would not take Decota's phone away because she was so upset, and she believed that Decota had not meant to have it on. After we got off of the phone I felt like crap! I hadn't said Happy Birthday to her in the morning, and now she was upset and I couldn't go to the school and comfort her. When I told mom about it I just bawled. She decided to go ahead and got to the school, give Decota some eye drops that she needed, and check on her (which made me feel a lot better). After she left I couldn't make myself stop crying. I kept going, and going, and going. I told myself that everything was OK, but I just couldn't stop. Then Rodney came into the room, and I started crying even harder. I couldn't stop- and then, all of the sudden, I was laughing hysterically. I then went from crying to laughing for the next several minutes- so hard, in fact, that I could hardly catch my breath. Rodney proceeded to ask how much pain medication I had taken, and then came to count them all out to make sure I had my facts straight. I was exactly right, but we decided that I probably needed to lay off of them for a while. After a couple more hours I stopped staring off into space so much and began to feel like myself again. The pain was a lot better that day, and Advil did the trick, but I had an upset stomach from taking laxatives with no results. At the end of the day I decided to go watch TV with mom and Cambria. It was not the most comfortable thing, but it was a great change of scenery. Later, after Rodney, Declan, and Decota returned from the High School football game, I went downstairs, gave Decota her shot, and we had cake. All of the sudden I felt quite light headed. Decota said "Mom, why are you white? Why are you green now?". I decided I had had enough adventure for one day, so I wobbly took myself upstairs and went to bed- with 2 Advil and another laxative.

Day 4- Today is Saturday. I didn't wake up stoned, but I don't know that I did much better. I woke Rodney up to get Declan to a band rehearsal at 9:00. His teacher did not show up until 9:40. I had Rodney pick Declan up at 9:45 and take him to the soccer field to ref 2 games. I sent them to the wrong field. Declan finally made it to the right field, missing the 1st half. He called frantically because his ref whistle had broken, nothing I could do about it but let him figure it out. I tried to help out with some chores in my room. I was dizzy and nauseous by the time I simply wiped down the counter tops and dusted my dresser. My laxatives finally kicked in, sometimes I wonder if that is a good thing. I finally ended up back in bed. This afternoon I feel pretty dang good, that is until I get up for more than 5 minutes. I missed all of the soccer games today, missed taking Decota out to spend her birthday money, basically missed Saturday. I guess I just thought I would be a lot further ahead on my progress by now. I can move my leg a lot more today than the past 2 days. The swelling is a lot better. I feel more like myself. I just don't know how to get to the next phase, the one where I can get everywhere on my crutches without being dizzy or worn out. I know, I know, one day at a time. I am being patient. It is not a race. I can see that each day is getting better. Heck, tomorrow I even get to take a real shower, no more sponge baths! I am just so glad mom is here. I truly couldn't have done it without her. I think Rodney would have died if he was on his own at this point. Everyone is being well cared for (maybe a little bit to well- they might not want me back). I guess I will just lay back and continue to let my body tell me when it is ready for the next phase. Until then I should enjoy having my laundry done, my house cleaned, my meals made, and a chauffeur for my kids. I always wanted to be a kept woman!

Getting ready to go under

2008-10-06T09:12:00.004-05:00

I am getting ready for my surgery that will take place Wednesday. I am going to have my ACL redone. I am very excited and not nervous in the least bit. I have noticed that I am a bit unable to relax right now, though. I feel like I have so many things to do, and I want everything in order. My mom flies in today and will be helping out. I know that she is fully capable of handling everything, I just need to get it all in order for her. I worked at the schools all week last week, except for the day that we had a Dr's appointment, and so I think I felt more behind than usual as the weekend came. Saturday we were out the door at 8:45 for pictures for soccer, and then the day went by with one thing after the next. I did not get home again until 9:30 pm, after our last soccer game in Euless. By then I was beat. Sunday morning I woke up and started getting my disaster of a hose picked up. By the time conference came on I was so wound up I could not concentrate. I found myself obsessing over all I needed to do, and I think my restlessness rubbed off on everyone. We finally decided to TiVo conference, because we were getting nothing out of it, and get some stuff done. Declan was assigned a major math project that counted as 2 test grades, and I did not want my mom to have to help with that because it was a PAIN. We spent hours on it, and still have a bit more to do tonight to finish it up. In the end I was non-stop going until 10:30 last night working on getting things in order. I feel horrible that I missed conference, but I know that I will have plenty of time to sit and ENJOY it after my surgery. I don't know why I get wound so tight sometimes, I just do. I always do this right before someone comes to visit, or right before a trip, or right before a big event. I just need to feel like everything is in order; I can't function if I don't feel it is. It can be really annoying, but that is how I roll. I feel so much better today, and am ready to enjoy my mom. I only have a short list of things to accomplish left, not a huge one. I am ready to get this whole surgery over with and move on to getting better. I'm SO excited to have my leg back, and not feel like I am limited in what I can and can't do. Two more days until I am on the road to recovery!

Mamacita!

2008-10-02T20:29:00.003-05:00

Today is my mom's birthday. The kids and I called her this morning to wish her happy birthday, and Decota informed her that she was now and old lady. When my mom said she had been one for a long time, I told her to just tell everyone she was 27- like me. She told me that, unfortunately, she did not feel 27 anymore. My poor mom. She has always felt worse than someone should, with no real explanation for why she feels that way or any helpful treatment. I know that most of her adult life has been lived in varying degrees of pain, and that she has never felt truly healthy. With all that said, I have never know a woman to tackle so many different things and complete them so above and beyond what is expected, even when she was feeling crummier than you or I could ever imagine. Whether it be as a class mom, a leader in a church calling, a homemaker, or a mother to 8; she has always made her duties seem like a piece of cake, and shocked everyone with the completely organized and breathtaking results. You want examples- OK! Birthday cakes! I can barley get the frosting to spread half way decent on a cake- my mom, on the other hand, made the most gorgeous birthday cakes- FOR 8 KIDS!!! I loved my birthday cakes- dolls in big dresses, Holly Hobby, Brut and Ernie, Minnie and Mickey (she would take on about anything I could come up with). They were the real deal, done with all the tips and all the fancy homemade frosting (I do not know how she put millions of little stars of icing all over those cakes- no wonder her hands hurt to this day)! Baking! When mom bakes it is not some wimpy cake out of the box or cookies out of a mix like me, it is full blown, made from scratch heaven. And when mom bakes it is not just one little thing- it is dozens and dozens of different kinds of cookies (cookies that the normal person never even knew existed). This summer when the kids and I were visiting she promised them she would make them a coffee cake- when I woke up in the morning there were 4! Cleaning! Come on mom, you had 8 kids. How did you keep the house spotless all the time? I don't mean it just looks clean like mine. I mean you could move any piece of furniture and find a clean floor underneath. I remember baseboards always being wiped, beds and dressers being moved to vacuum under, trashcans being washed out. Did you ever sleep? Notes! Now there are 2 different kinds of notes that I feel I must address here- notes to teachers and notes to her children. My mom was the queen of writing us notes (or maybe it was just me because I was so difficult to talk to). I can not even tell you how many times I walked into my room and found a note on my bed from my mom. I could have had a really bad day, or be really mad at my parents, and then read that special note that my mom left and feel lifted up a bit more. It was never just a quickly jotted down note; it was a thoughtful, from the heart note, written in her beautiful handwriting (I still have many of these notes tucked away in my special things file). The beautiful handwriting- that is the other part about the notes. My children's teachers can hardly read the notes I send to school with them (they never know if they went to the dentist today or delivered turkey today- I have horrible handwriting). My mom's notes were always beautiful, even in the early morning rush. It made it very hard to forge her signature (but I tried it anyway). Really, who writes in calligraphy to excuse their child from school because they had diarrhea? Young Women's! Every lesson was given with beautiful visual aides. Not some cute thing you cheat and print off the computer, homemade visual aides. When she was making a poster, she would not just write in her perfect calligraphy, she would then decorate it with cute borders of leafs or flowers. Homemade, home laminated bookmarks and quotes were always given out. Lessons where prayerful prepared and went off without hitch (even with me shooting her daggers in the background). Her New Home! She has sunk her whole being into her new house. It is so beautiful, and definitely has her touch all over the place. Every fabric has been thoughtfully picked out, every wall color has been perfectly matched, every door handle and drawer pull has been specifically picked. It has nearly killed her, but she has done an amazing job on her dream house! And the best part of it is that, after never living there, when I come visit it feels like home. There are so many more examples I could give- Relief Society meetings, Halloween costumes, flower arrangement- but I think I will conclude with MOTHERHOOD! My mom is an incredible mother. First off, she had eight kids and is still sane enough to tell-the-tale. I remember siting with her early in the morning before school started as a kindergartner eating my breakfast as she read to me about Nephi's journey. I remember laying in bed with her as she read me nursery rhymes. I remember singing to Crystal Gale, or Wham, as we did our hair in the morning. I remember her putting my hair in Princess Leah buns over and over again because I thought I was her. I remember homework over the summer, just so we didn't start the school year behind. I remember home cooked meals- always, no matter what her schedule held (and not just spaghetti, but roasts and ham). I remember watching her stand on a ladder 8 months pregnant as she wallpapered our house and quizzed me for a test. I remember her hauling all of the kids with her so she could watch me cheer at games. She always was, and still is, my biggest supporter and defender (she believes I can do anything, and she wont stand for anyone telling me differently). I think that the most incredible thing she has done is raise a whole brood of kids to love each other as much as my siblings and I do. She raised us in a house full of best friends and confidants (although, I must admit, every minute was not "love at home"). When we are near her we always know we are in a safe and secure place, in her arms we find both love and home. When my grandmother was pregnant with my mom they wanted her to have an abortion because the doctors felt that my mom would be born with disabilities and that the pregnancy was too great of a risk to my grandmother's health. Of course my grandmother rejected their advise. How grateful I am to her for that. If she had listened I would have missed out on meeting the greatest woman in my life, and would have been denied my perfect mother. 57 years ago today the world was blessed to be grace by the presence of my angle mother! Happy Birthday mom. I LOVE YOU!

Cambria

2008-10-01T08:44:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I was able to be Cambria's teacher for a 1/2 a day. She has one teacher in the morning that teaches Language Arts and Science, and then one in the afternoon that teaches Math and Social Studies. I was the Math and Social Studies teacher. When I received the call asking me to sub for that teacher, I wondered how Cambria would feel about it. Declan does not mind at all if I am his sub or a sub in a class near him. He loves it when all of his school friends tell him that I was their sub and that they liked me. Decota likes it when I am subbing near her- but has no desire for me to be her actual teacher. Cambria had me as a sub once in 3rd grade. Her teacher then was a very quite, soft spoken woman. She could get the class' attention by simply standing there real still and staring at them. I came in to sub and her class was so loud they could not hear me when I dinged the bell- so I had to shout out the count down for them to be quite. Cambria was humiliated. After school she told me I was mean and that she couldn't believe I yelled at her class. All I said was "5-4-3-2-1" in a loud voice. She swore she never wanted me for a sub again. After I accepted the job for yesterday, I went and told Cambria about it and asked her how she felt. I guess she forgot the humiliation after a year and a half, because she was so excited. She then went right on to tell me who to be mean to, because they were mean to her (she actually had a vengeance list). I explained that I would be nice to everyone, and that they would only get in trouble if they deserved it. All day Cambria was so excited to see me. She ran up and hugged me every chance she got. When it came time for her to come to my class, she had the biggest smile on her face. Her class was WONDERFUL! It is so awesome when your child gets to be in a class with such good kids. When I would give them an assignment they would get right to work on it without a peep. They were so good. I had been told all day by other teachers what a great class she had, but I had no idea it would be that wonderful. I am so excited that she is surrounded by such wonderful students. I was also informed by some teachers at the school that she is coming out of her shell. I am so happy to hear that. I warned them to be on the lookout though, because when she comes out a tornado is sure to follow- she is a wild woman!

Cambria has a very different personality. One time my mother-in-law made a comment about her that I have thought a lot about and feel is very true. She said that it is really easy to forget about Cambria sometimes because it is so hard to get to know her. As I have contemplated on that statement I have realized how true it is. Cambria is a very independent soul. She does not mind being on her own and doing her own thing at times. She can be very shy when you first get to know her, and does not like to draw attention to herself if she is uncertain about anything. She is not one that will sit down and just easily chat with you, she would rather run off and watch TV or play outside than sit and chat. On the other hand, once Cambria is feeling confident about something she wants everyone to recognize it (to the point of being boastful). She loves positive feedback and acknowledgment. She longs to be showered in praise and attention. She is quite the ham and can get quite goofy- to the point of annoying everyone (although her friends seem to follow along and mimic whatever she is doing). She lives like she runs- just kind of trotting along, and then a HUGE burst of energy (like 0-90) that blows you away; before you know it she is trotting along again.

Cambria is a leader. She is not automatically outgoing enough to be the same kind of leader as Decota- yet I watch her sneak up and take the reigns from behind, and then watch others mimicking what she does. She really only ever has contention with the girls who seem to be overbearing- probably because Cambria comes off so soft spoken at first, yet she WILL NOT do anything she doesn't want to (inevitably leading others away with her).

Cambria is also the most TENATIOUS child I have ever met (she reminds me so much of J-D, and sometimes I just wanted to shoot him). She gets something in her mind and she can just not drop it- ever, until it is fulfilled. She can hound you and hound you until you are about to break. Rodney loves the expression "ride you like a broken down horse". This is what I feel she does to me at times. This characteristic is also so positive in so many ways. Cambria never has to have any extra motivation for what she wants. I never have to remind her to work on things like homework or chores. When she does them go does them all the way. She likes to drive herself to near perfection.

Cambria LOVES soccer! She will practice soccer, go to extra soccer practices, and come home and practice some more. She is totally happy to be outside alone juggling her ball or working on kicking the ball over the mailbox from the other side of the cul-de-sac. She wants to be a famous soccer player and trains like she will be one someday. It took us a long time to get her to put away her fears about hurting the other teams feelings by beating them, and get her to be competitive, but once she tasted victory she decided she loved the flavor. If her team starts losing she gets fired-up. She starts making moves that you did not even fathom she could make, and is quite impressive (now if we could get her to do that all of the time).

I think the best thing about Cambria is her compassion. She is kind of stand-offish in a situation where she is uncomfortable, and maybe doesn't seem so openly compassionate; but I think she is the one that, in the end, is touched the deepest. She has been praying for some people daily, well over a year after their troubles began. When others have moved on to worry about another problem, she is just adding then new one to her list. She amazes me when she continually asks for updates on people that, I am sorry to say, have slipped my mind for awhile. She genuinely worries about people, and does not stop until the situation is resolved. She worries about Decota most of all. She hates it when Decota is upset. She fervently prays for her to get better. -Yet she is Cambria!

My favorite Cambria story is when Decota had just been diagnosed with her eye disease. Everyone was so worried about her. There were SO many threats to her losing her vision, and her disease was progressing so rapidly, that everyone was very worried. It was a very scary time for our family. Decota was showered with love, gifts and attention from people all over. Everyone had her on their mind. One afternoon Cambria came to me very quietly and asked me if people ever died of arthritis. I always want to be truthful with my children, so I told her that there is a very small percentage of children that actually do die from it when it takes over their organs; but then went on to reassure her that this would not happen to Decota because her arthritis had been limited to her legs and eyes. It really pulled on my heart strings as she walked out of the room, and I thought to myself "what a horrible thing for a child to have to worry about". A couple seconds later I hear Cambria in the other room talking to Decota and Declan, in a very nonchalant voice, saying "I don't see what the big deal is- your not going to die from arthritis. I could die from an asthma attack any day an no one is sending me presents!" Needless to say, I went from teary eyed to flat out cracking up in a matter of seconds. I have really tried to give her a bit of extra attention since then, and others have also been so sweet to pitch in with extra attention for her so that she doesn't feel resentful about living with a sick sister. What can I say though, Cambria always keep you on your toes!!!

PARTY ON!!!!

2008-09-29T18:19:00.003-05:00

Friday we had Decota's birthday party. We had no idea how many girls would come (it seems they are to old to RSVP now), or how many Decota had invited for that matter (every time I turned around I had to make "just one more invitation"). When 6:00 arrived we were suddenly invaded by 17 excited girls. Decota had been pretty bummed this year because she wanted to go camping for her birthday, and due to the fact that I was having surgery 2 days before her birthday, that was impossible. She then thought it would be great to pitch tents in the backyard and have a camp out at home, which I would have automatically said "nope" to, but Rodney beat me by saying it was a great idea. We told her 12 girls would be a great number to invite- but you know Decota the social bug. How was she supposed to weed out so many and limit herself to 12. In the end I think she invited about 18 (Cambria was not invited this year, but she was fine with it because she got to have a spend the night at her friend's house instead). As all of the girls arrived they seemed genuinely excited to be camping out (this was some girls first time ever in a tent!). We had 2 big tents set up in the backyard. As everyone arrived they all staked claims to the places they wanted to sleep in the tents. Soon we had the fire pit going and the girls were all roasting hot dogs. They loved running around the backyard and exploring the greenbelt. After awhile we corralled them back together and opened gifts (and talk about getting SPOILED- whew) and ate cake and ice cream (her cake had a big lantern on it for her). As it got dark they went out front and played flashlight tag. We eventually hauled them back to the backyard to watch the old parent trap movie we had set up on the deck. Some stayed and watched for a bit and snacked on candy and popcorn, while others played games by flashlight on the tramp. Others (including my daughter) ran off to harass boys on the phone. In the end, Rodney and I were the only ones who watched the whole movie (and I loved it every bit as much as I did when I was a kid). After the movie we gathered together again for S'mores and hot chocolate- can you say sugar rush! They played until about 11:00ish, and then started making their way to the tents for bed. One tent fell right asleep, the other tent (of course the one Decota was in) was up all night talking. They were quite loud, so I was very glad my neighbors were out of town. At about 2:00 someone threw-up (I think a combo of being so tired and eating so much junk), which slowed things down a bit. Three girls decided to come inside and sleep on the floor, and the rest went back to the tent and went to sleep- FINALLY. At 7:00 I heard the 1st group of girls start to stir, so I got up and started breakfast. By 7:15 everyone was up and playing in the backyard. We had a great camp breakfast of eggs, hash browns, bacon, and orange juice. I started cleaning up after breakfast, and the girls continued to play until the last person was picked up at 10:00. I kept being told that it was the "greatest slumber party ever". Now I don't know about that, (especially after seeing my friend Laura Krey's Japanese party she threw for her daughter Siena) but it was a pretty fun party. I think Decota really enjoyed herself, and that her friends did too. I am so glad that Rodney was there to say "yes" to the party idea so that my automatic "no" did not interfere. I need to keep that in mind the next time I automatically say "no" to something, at least long enough to really think about it. Now Cambria wants a super fun party. I guess I have 6 months to recoup and come up with an idea! (Anyone got any?)

My Favorite Teddy Bear- Danny!

2008-09-28T21:16:00.004-05:00

I always think of my Father-in-law as a big Teddy Bear. He is just someone you are comfortable around, feel comforted by, and can just squeeze. I LOVE my father-in-law. He is just one of them "good ol' boys". There are so many good qualities to talk about with him, but this year I am going to focus on his service. I can think of no other person quite like him. He reminds me of one of those me I grew up watching on "Little House on the Prairie". You know the type. The one that somehow always shows up to someones house when the need a hand with something. Someone that pulls up in his tractor or truck when there is hard labor to be done. Someone that checks in on children and the elderly when no one else may be checking in on them. Always running from work, to the farm, to helping someone down the road, to mending fences, bailing hay, and then attending a funeral- ALL IN THE SAME DAY. Yep- that's right- I have Charles Inglis for a father-in-law (and might I just add that I had the biggest crush on Charles when I was a kid- he was just so cute and so good). He is constantly go-go-going. With all that he has going, he never makes an excuse not to serve. I am constantly amazed at all that he does for others. It is never for recognition, never for ego, never for praise- it is just purely out of love. Danny is the most loving, caring, giving man because he gives of himself. You want an example? -Ok- When Rodney and I moved to Texas he flew out Utah and bought a truck from Alicia's husband to help them get out from under it. Then he drove to New Mexico and helped us haul everything down to Texas. He went home and fulfilled some responsibilities at his stores, and then headed to Mississippi to help clean up after Hurricane Katrina hit. When he was done there, he headed back down to Dallas to help us move all of our things in. This all took place in a WEEK! Boy do I feel crummy for grumbling about being asked to make someone dinner twice a year. Service is just a part of Danny. He will never stop serving because that is who he is. I admire his selflessness so much. I want so badly to be more like him. I would like to bless my family through service the way he has blessed us through his. This year I will try to be more willing to jump at the chance to serve; to not look at it as a burden to me, but as an opportunity to lift someone else's load. I love my father-in-law. I KNOW I scored when I got him. I am so lucky that my husband was raised with this wonderful man as his ultimate role model. I am lucky that my children have him for a grandfather. I hope they will know and understand all of the wonderful things he has done to make others lives better! Happy Birthday Danny- I Love You!

(His real Birthday is September 26th, I did not forget him, I am just getting around to writing about him)

It's so nice not to be a single parent

2008-09-25T19:27:00.003-05:00

I can't even tell you how nice it has been today to have Rodney home. Just to have him around for a bit of conversation throughout the day is so nice. To have him helping me out with life's little tasks is AWESOME. The simplest thing, like him letting the dog in when he is scratching at the door (which happens to be a dreaded chore since we wash his feet and wipe his butt every time he comes in), just makes my day. But the help with the BIG chores, that rocks! I desperately needed to go to the grocery store today. Of course when it came time to check out there were no lanes open without 5 people in them. I knew I would never be able to check out in time to pick Cambria up from choir. A quick phone call to my sweetheart and he is off and running to get her. As I walked out the door to take Decota to dance tonight, he offered to drop her off so I could finish unloading groceries. He then decided to take Cambria and Declan to their soccer practices so that he could watch them, thus making my only responsibilities for the night picking Decota up from dance, picking up his prescription from the pharmacy (he went to the Dr today and has a nasty ear infection), and getting dinner ready. I can't even begin to tell you how laid back and easy my night has felt. I don't know how single parents do it. It is so nice to have the help and support of your sweetie when your are worn out. Not to mention the added bonus of a little kissey-kissey-smoochy-smoochy when he is around! I hope I never have to do the single parent thing on a permanent basis. Thanks Rodney for all of the help, and for being the best!

A week in my shoes

2008-09-25T08:53:00.002-05:00

Here is a schedule of my week this past week. Although I do not do everything that I did this week every week, there always seems to be something extra that comes up!

Sunday:
7:00am- Up to get everyone ready for church, and Rodney out the door and to the airport.
12:30pm- Home from church, time for lunch and rest.
4:00pm- To the hospital to visit an elderly lady in the ward
5:30pm- Home to make a quick dinner and gather the kids up
6:15pm- Off to a missionary open house for a good friend of ours
8:30pm- Back home to fix a snack before bed and start laundry
10:00pm- Kids FINALLY to bed- Laundry and get ready for the new week time
11:30pm- Phone call from Rodney to let me know the Cowboys won. Off to bed to read scriptures and fall asleep.
Monday:
6:30am- Up and at 'em
7:30am- Everyone down for breakfast and family scripture study
8:00am- Get kids off to school and work on laundry and the house
9:30am- Visiting teaching
11:00am- Pre-op appointment for my surgery
12:00pm- Pick Decota up from school for rheumatologist appointment (with a quick lunch at Decota's favorite Thai place on the way)
1:30pm- At the hospital for the appointment
4:00pm- Home from the hospital with a great check up
5:00pm- Dinner
5:45-6:45pm- Watch Decota's ballet class so I can address some of her concerns
6:45pm- Dishes and laundry
8:00pm- Pick Decota up from jazz
9:00pm- Get girls to bed
10:00pm- Finish helping Declan with homework (he has been working on it most of the night) and get him off to bed (he is pooped)- then work on laundry
11:30pm- Laundry done, off to study scriptures and get to bed
Tuesday:
6:00am- Alarm goes off, but I hit snooze until 6:32. Get up and the kids and I ready for school.
7:30am- Breakfast and family scripture study
8:00am- Off to school for everyone. I work in the Autism room at the Middle School today.
4:00pm- The girls and I are done with school and ready to go home and work on their homework.
5:00pm- Quick dinner and off to Declan's football game.
7:30pm- Take the girls home because they have been fighting and have lost the right to watch the other football game.
9:00pm- Get girls to bed and go to pick up Declan from the field house.
11:00pm- Finish helping Declan with his homework and get him to bed. Start picking up the house.
12:00am- Off to bed to read scriptures and go to sleep.
Wednesday:
6:00am- Time to wake up, but once again hit snooze until 6:32. Get kids up and going.
7:30am- Breakfast and family scripture study
8:00am- Everyone off to school. Today I teach 8th grade science.
11:30am- Rodney calls to tell me he made it home.
2:15pm- I do not end up having 7th & 8th period classes so I go home to get cookies baked for Court of Honor tonight.
4:00pm- Pick girls up from school and take them to the library and to Wal-mart.
5:00pm- Pick Declan up from football practice.
5:30pm- Dinner- yum, roast, potatoes, carrots and rolls tonight!
6:30 pm- Court of Honor for Scouting
8:00pm- Leave court of honor and get Decota to a private ballet lesson to help her feel more confident with somethings she is feeling intimidated by. (It is so sweet of her teacher to do this for her)
9:00pm- Home from ballet, and time to get the girls to bed. Rodney has Declan started on his homework, so I take over.
10:30pm- Send Declan to bed because he is so tired he can not finish. I am pooped also so I get scripture reading done and get ready for bed.
1:00am- I finally make it to bed after I end up hanging out with Rodney.
Thursday:
6:00am- Alarm goes off, but today I hit snooze until 7:04. Rush everyone around to get ready. 7:30am- Breakfast, Declan still has so much homework that we skip scripture study and let him finish.
8:15am- Declan is done and everyone is off to school.
9:00am- Sit down to make meal plan for the next 2 weeks and get shopping list done.
11:30am- Take Rodney to the Dr. (His ear is killing him)- of course he has an ear infection. They also schedule him for a physical because he has been having muscle spasms a lot, and show signs of hypoglycemia or early diabetes.
12:30pm- LUNCH (I'm starving today!)
2:30pm- Shopping list is finally finished. Off to Wal-mart for stage 1 of grocery shopping.
4:00pm- Still in line at Wal-mart and need to pick up the Decota. Thank goodness Rodney is home and can go get her for me.
4:45pm- Pick Cambria up from choir
5:00pm- Pick Declan up from football
5:20pm- Have Decota to dance (luckily Rodney volunteered to take her so I could put up groceries)
6:00pm- Rodney took Declan and Decota to soccer so I could go get his prescription filled.
6:15pm- Pick Decota up from Dance and take her to get her birthday party favors and pick-up Rodney's prescription.
7:00pm- Back home and getting dinner ready
8:00pm- Rodney and the kids are back and ready to eat, Declan starts homework
9:00pm- Girls are down to bed
10:30pm- Declan is too tired to do anymore homework and goes to bed
11:30pm- I am done! Scripture study and bed!
Friday:
6:00am- Alarm goes off and I am up- much to do today!
7:30am- Everyone is down for breakfast and scripture study. Declan is doing last minute cramming.
8:15am- Drop Declan and Cambria off at school and take Decota to Scottish Rite for her hospital eye appointment.
10:00am- A quick and easy day at the Dr. Everything looks good! Off to Sam Moon with Decota to pick out a couple birthday party presents for her friends.
11:00am- Sam's Club for the 2nd stage of grocery shopping
12:30pm- Unloading groceries, making lunch, making Decota's cake, and picking up the house.
1:00pm- Visiting teachers come by for a visit.
1:45pm- Take Decota back to school and start setting up for her birthday party.
3:30pm- One more last trip to Wal-mart for forgotten items!
4:00pm- Pick everyone up from school and give them assignments to help finish getting ready for the party.
6:00pm- Party starts- Here come 17 girls!
11:30pm- Get girls in their tents to go to sleep.
2:00am- Finally go to bed when girls calm down and go to sleep!
Saturday:
7:00am- Up to make breakfast for a swarm of starving girls, slowly clean up.
8:00am- Rodney takes Declan to the soccer field to ref 3 games.
10:00am- Party is over! Time to get Decota ready for her next party.
10:30am- Off to the Galleria to drop Decota off at her friends party.
11:00am- Rodney takes Cambria to her soccer game (They win!)
12:00pm- I make it to Declan's field to watch his game.
1:30pm- Rodney and Cambria make it to see the 2nd half of Declan's game.
2:30pm- Head home to shower the kids and make lunch
3:30pm- Leave the house to pick Decota up from her party.
4:30pm- Meet up with Rodney and the kids to get Declan new goalie gloves
5:30pm- Take the kids to Western Days in Lewisville to see the Eli Young Band in concert.
8:00pm- Go to Chili's for dinner- pretty tired at this point.
9:30pm- Get everyone home and kids in bed (it only takes them a couple seconds to fall asleep)
10:00pm- Sit down to watch the news- just passing time so I can watch Saturday Night Live
10:30pm- Watch the first sketch, and then wake up at 11:00 and realize I need to go to bed.
11:00pm- Dead to the world- It was a long week!

Now when I wonder what I have accomplished in a week I can look at this list and see that I do get some things done. My cupboards and drawers may not be as organized as I would like, but I have not just sat around all week eating Bon-Bons. Maybe this will help me not feel so guilty for taking time out for me.

Pooped!

2008-09-25T08:51:00.003-05:00

I do not know why I was so pooped last night, but I was. I was too tired to even write a quick snippet. After 6 hours of sleep I am feeling much better, yet I have a laundry list of things to do today. I have decided to post a one week schedule of my life so I can remember how I spent my days. Tonight I will journal better!

Sisters

2008-09-23T19:28:00.002-05:00

Decota decided to exclude Cambria tonight at the football game. While she was running around with her friends she told Cambria to "Go Away" because it was annoying to have her near by. As soon as Declan's game was over I made the girls leave with me, making them skip out on the "A" team game, and grounded Decota from running around with her friends at the next game. She was furious with Cambria for telling on her and got pretty snotty to me. She had no shame in admitting that it was annoying to turn around and see her sister standing right next to her. I have explained so many times to Decota that many of her friends are actually closer to Cambria's birthday then hers, and that Cambria should be her friend also. When I reminded her of that she simply said "I bet you did not let your sisters hang out with you. I'm sure you thought they were annoying and made them leave you alone. I have heard all about you and I know you were a bigger brat then me." I don't know if it was the tone of her voice or the truthfulness of what she said, but it flew all over me. I was so angry I threatened to cancel her Birthday Party this weekend. I had to call Rodney and have him get involved. Lucky for Decota and I, Rodney has a magical way of calming us both down and making us see eye to eye. After our phone call with him we were able to talk it out, and Decota felt remorseful for being such a brat to her sister, and for being disrespectful to me. They really do love each other, sometimes they just have to be reminded of it. I know I was MEAN to my sisters, especially Brittani. I wish I could take it all back. I want my girls to know what a treasure they have in their sister. I LOVE my sisters! They are my BEST FRIENDS. I know that my kids treat each other better than I treated my siblings, and yet we still have a great relationship. I just do not want them to ever do anything to hurt that bond. I guess being a girl only helps add to the family drama! Sisters!

Chelsey

2008-09-22T21:25:00.003-05:00

My Funk-a-licious sister Chelsey turned 31 today (how did she get to be older than me- one of life's great mysteries). Chelsey is so fun. She is someone you can get wild and crazy with. She will still dance with you in the middle of a crowded parking lot just to embarrass your kids or make people look. She always makes you laugh when you are around her, and nieces and nephews love her. She made me crack up the other day when she told me she had been watching too much Mystery Diagnosis on the Discovery Health Channel. This is not a good idea for her. As a child Chels did nightly body scans of her body checking for bruises, scrapes, lumps and bumps. By the time she was 8 I think she had diagnosed herself with cancer 5 times. She is not such a hypochondriac anymore, yet you never know what a show like that could do to her. I can just see it now -Harley walks in the house one day with a heart shaped bruise on her forearm, and within 10 minutes Chels has diagnosed her with some rare ware wolf-like genetic mutation only previously found in Bulgaria. (J/K- kind-of) Maybe it was that paranoia of sickness that has made her such a wonderful nurturer. Chelsey is the kind of mom that you only see in shows like Leave It To Beaver- only with a funky outfit and a little bit of crazy going down. She gets up in the morning and lovingly sends her husband off to work after she has made him breakfast, way before it should be legal for people to open their eyes. She spoils you when you are sick, making sure you are comfortable and have everything you need. She picks little things up for everyone all the time just because she "saw it and thought of you", making you feel special because you were on her mind. She listens to you when you want to brag, or cry, and takes your side no matter how stupid your side is. She is not afraid to get in her grubby clothes and sit on her butt and watch movies all day with you, and not feel guilty about it. She always makes people feel comfortable around her. I have looked at her SO many times and wished I could be as compassionate as her. She draws people to her because she is so fun, but they stay around because they can feel that she cares. This year I will try to be more like Chelsey and be more nurturing to my family and friends. I will try to be a little less selfish, and give some of that self to others. I probably need to work on this the most with my own family- especially Rodney. Chelsey just seems to have that natural programming to be the mother bear defending her husband and young. This year I will become more of a bear, too. GRRRRRR! Happy Birthday Chelsey! I think our family got the best present on your birthday though- We got you!!

Asher Boy

2008-09-22T20:52:00.004-05:00

What would salsa be without the jalapenos? What would eggs be without the pepper? What would an oatmeal cookie be without the cinnamon? Everything needs a little spice. For the Allred family that spice comes in the form of Asher. Today is Asher's Birthday. I can't believe that he is already 2 years old! I can't wait to see him in the peak of his terrible 2's (like an Allred child could be that terrible). It's not that I want to see Brittani fight him, it's just that his little tantrums crack me up! When he is flailing to the floor (and might I add, ever so carefully so as not to hurt his head), and then throws his temper tantrum on the floor, I just want to bust out laughing. It is too cute. He is going to be such a fun one to watch. He can give you these big, flirty eyes one minute, and then shoot you daggers the next. I LOVE that he already has the pouty face down. He is a true blue ham. I am so glad I get to be his aunt and watch him grow up. Happy Birthday Asher, Aunt Nelly LOVES you!

My Secret Affair!

2008-09-21T21:59:00.005-05:00

Oh weekend, why must you leave me so soon. It will be 5 long days until we can meet again, my love. Until that time I will be dreading every day that I must wake up at 6:00 to get the kids ready for school. I will loathe putting lunches in a sack and sending them with my children to school, where I can't even converse with them as they consume it. I will worry all day that my kids are not getting enough water and snacks while they are at school (how is a mind supposed to learn and a body supposed to grow when you only get to eat at lunch?). I will watch the needle on my gas gauge quickly go from pointing to the right to pointing to the left as I taxi everyone to all of their events. I will worry about dinner being a rushed event, and whether I made a nutritionally balanced enough meal for three growing kids. I will stress over the amount of homework the kids are sent home with, and sit by them as they do it, just for moral support. As I tuck the kids in bed each night I will wonder if I spent enough quality time with them, and if they felt my love for them that day. And just when I think I can take no more- YOU WILL ARRIVE! When you come you will bring me carefree days, soccer games in the sun, a couple hours more of rest, easy meals, TV time, time to play outside, and time for fun with my family. However, just as I feel rejuvenated, you will leave me again- this, I am afraid, is the sad story of our love affair. Once again, just like every other week of my life, I will be waiting impatiently for you, longing for your arrival. I know I can not have you always, for if I did my love for you would not be the same. So instead of morn for what can never be, I will be content and grateful for the time I do get to spend with you as I look forward to our rendezvous again. Until Friday night my love- Chanel

He's Back

2008-09-19T22:28:00.003-05:00

Rodney made it home tonight. He will be here until Sunday, when he will fly out to Green Bay and cheer on his beloved Cowboys. I missed him and was anxious for him to come home- but it can be a bit hard to adjust to having him back. I feel like I go through this every time he has been gone for more than 3 days. I really was excited for him to get home, and I think he was excited to get home too, but the illusion of him walking in the door and having a night at home straight from the Donna Reed Show is always quickly shattered. Why is it he can find so much to gripe at everyone about in such a short time. Why do I always feel like my efforts to take care of everything while he is gone are never enough. Why is it so hard for me to just go back to life as normal, and not feel disappointed that it is the same. We have been doing this traveling thing for so many years, a decade in fact, yet it is always the same. Happy to see each other, dog bouncing off the walls because dad is home, kids give a brief hello and then off to play, he finds something I've done wrong, I get offended, he finds something else that is not right, I'm ticked, kids getting gripped at for not doing something right, now I'm really ticked and am counting down the hours until he leaves again while pretending like he isn't around, he feels bad for being a jerk, I'm still too mad to accept an apology, he wont leave me alone, I start to cave in just a little bit and talk to him, he bugs the crap out of me until I eventually end up laughing at him, life is back to normal. Why this same routine every time? You would think we would have it all figured out by now- I guess we don't. At least we love each other and can put up with the drama week after week. I guess it would not be us if it was any different.

Concerned Parent

2008-09-18T22:53:00.001-05:00

Last night one of my children came to me upset. He/She wanted to tell me a secret that they had been told by and friend and had promised not to tell anyone. Unfortunately he/she felt like this secret could be a harm to his/her friend, and felt it should be told. The problem was the guilt that he/she was feeling for breaking the promise. We went over the rules of a good and bad secret, and my child decided it was a bad secret and therefore told me. Now this secret (which ended up being several secrets) was not earthshaking, and I did not faint as it was told to me; however, it was disturbing, and I could see a self-destructive pattern forming. As I asked my child what they thought we should do, I was told that they knew that the parents needed to know (which was my exact thought), but that he/she was afraid the friend would find out they told and their friendship would cease. In the end we agreed that I would talk to the parent and explain mine and my child's concerns. My child felt a great sense of relief as he/she went off to bed, while I felt a great knot in my stomach start. How do I approach this child's parents an tell them something that may or may not be a big deal to them (though I felt it would be) and come off as a loving friend who is concerned, and not a tattle-tale busybody. I talked about it with Rodney, and while we both agreed that the parents should be informed and be in a position to decide if it was a big deal to them, we also agreed that it had to be handled with care. I prayed about it last night and on and off all day today. I pondered on when the perfect timing would be and how to phrase my words. Yet as the time approached when I knew I would see this parent, I still did not know what I would say. As soon as I saw her I knew I needed to inform her that we needed to talk privately today. She took it very well and we set a place and time. As the time came I felt so calm and loving towards this child and parent that I was not worried, and hoped that they could feel my love and sincerity. We talked for a bit about the situation, (of the which she was shocked and very displeased about) and about how to keep her child from knowing it was my child who told. I expressed several times that my child and I came to her out of love and concern, and that no one else knew the situation at all. I continually told her that I hoped that she cared for my children and I enough to step in whenever she saw or heard of a problem arising with any of my children, and that she would respect me enough to inform me of situations and let my husband and I be in a position to decide what is acceptable and what is not before something gets out of hand. As we left each other, she told me how grateful she was that my child had told an adult, to reinforce to my child that the right thing was done in breaking this secret, and that she knew we did it out of concern. I was so relieved that it was taken in such a positive manner and that I did not come off as offensive. Offending someone has always one of my BIGGEST fears. I don't ever want anyone to think I think less of them because they may have made a decision different that I would have, or because there have been mistakes made. I NEVER want anyone to think that I think I am perfect (I have lived with myself for 34 years- I realize I am SOOOOO far from perfection- I have to watch myself screw up daily). I never want anyone to think that I think my kids are perfect (I know them pretty well, too. They are great, but they are human. I am here to build them up as the world tries to tear them down, and then toss them a rope and pull them back on the wall every time they fall off- not to fool myself into thinking they are something they are not). I guess I write all of this down because I want myself and my children to remember that sometimes we have to get out of our comfort zone to do what we know in our hearts is right. We have to risk comfort, egos, and even friendships in order to make the right choices that will help others (and ourselves) sometimes. It is not easy confronting a friend as a child. I think it can be even harder as an adult. I am so glad for the peace that I felt as I knelt and prayed about the situation. I knew that I could project myself in the manner that I hoped. I am so glad that my friend's heart was opened to hear what I had to say, and that she understood my concern. I hope that others love me and respect me when that inevitable day comes that I need to be told something about my children. I hope that someone will want to empower me with the knowledge of what is going amiss in their lives. I hope that I will get to be the one that talks through their problems with them as they start, and not the one that finds out about them when it is too late. I want people to love me enough to let me be a parent to my children.

Boring days!

2008-09-17T21:46:00.002-05:00

I am amazed at how you can go, go, go and just wish for a break, and then get one and be sooooooo bored. Today was one of those days. I was not working today because I had to pick Declan up an hour early from school. I had a few things to do around the house, a couple loads of laundry, and a couple of errands to run. All of it was done way to soon. I had a couple hours just to try to figure out what I could do. I am so sick of cleaning out cupboards and organizing paperwork. I finally took a long bubble bath and read, which was nice, but then I felt like a bum. I was so excited for 3:00 to roll around so I could pick up Declan and start my nightly taxi service to and from events and practices. Rodney is out of town (and has been for part of every week since July) so the house has just been too quite- except for the LOUD barking of my overprotective dog as anything comes within 100 ft of our home (he spends so much time in time out for barking that he is not very good company). These are the days I wish I had another sweet baby toddling around to distract me- that is until school is out and I remember I do not want to add one more needy soul to my crazy afternoons and nights. I just need to be at work more often. If I don't get called in to work tomorrow I am going to help an elderly lady move out of her house. Either way, I am done being a bump on a log.

What is with the teachers these days?

2008-09-16T22:26:00.002-05:00

I'm sorry, but I just have to gripe a little bit about the teachers these days. I rarely have problems with teachers. The only time it really has ever come up in in Middle School and with Declan. Before for 7th grade everyone just loved him to death. There were never enough good things to say about him. Since 7th grade I am not sure anyone knows he exists. It is SO frustrating to me. Last year I started noticing that I would get very little to no response from teachers. I realize that he is a good child, and really is not needy, but I still feel that they should get to know him. After a year of being in the athletics class, playing football, and running cross country, the head coach didn't even know his name or what sporting events he had played in. This year seems to be playing out much the same, and it is very frustrating to me. This year Declan has enrolled in ALL pre-AP or honors classes- every subject. The teachers PILE the work on. They expect a lot from these kids. An assignment that is one day late is a zero, no exceptions. It is a lot of pressure to have one advanced class, let alone a full schedule (he made the choice to do it though, so I have to let him try). I went to the meet the teacher for parents at his school the other day and I was shocked to find out that his math teacher didn't know who he was (come on- it has been 3 full weeks of school already). After staring a me with a blank look on her face for a minute she said, "Oh, is he the blond kid in the back?" How would I know? I don't go to school with him. Then she continued to tell me, "Well, I guess if he got on my nerves I would know who he was." Like that is supposed to make me feel better. She also said, "Yeah, I think he didn't do so hot on his test today." I'm thinking "Have you figured out who he is then?" Guess not, he made a 100%. Ugh!!!!! I did not get much of a better response from his other teachers, although they knew who he was; except for his history teacher. He asked about Declan's schedule, was impressed that he had decided to take such a heavy load, and offered his help at any time since he was such a driven student. (It always feels great to have someone, especially a teacher, validate your child's hard work.) Well tonight proved to be another disappointment for Declan and I both. Declan had his first football game and was in the game for one whole play (the kick off after 1/2 time) which lasted about 7 seconds. That was it. I understand that Declan is not the greatest football player, his first year was last year and some of these kids have been playing since they were 4. He is 2nd string B team, and happy as he can be about it. Somehow he just gets over looked. Throughout the whole game they forgot to put Declan in as they gave other 2nd string kids the chance to sub here and there. He would have been happy with one turn as a lineman. What is ridiculous is that instead of trying to teach all of the kids how to play, they choose about 15 kids they want to work with and have them play all of the offensive and defensive positions (like one kid who literally only came out for 1 play the whole game). The other kids look on and do not get a chance to try. In practice they do drills for 1/2 of the practice, and then the rest of the practice the 2nd strings watch the first string A and B teams play each other- never do they get to play. I understand wanting to win and working with those who already have the game down. I guess what frustrates me is that Declan does so much juggling to attend EVERY practice. I know he is learning. He never goofs off on the sidelines, he is always right next to the coach watching and cheering for his team mates. He stays up extra late to do his homework so that he can be at practices and games. He is trying to be a well rounded athlete. Yet when the 1st string player gets benched because of his grades, and they tell Declan in practice that he will be the starter in the game, they change their mind at the last minute and pull someone down from A team. Not only that, but they don't let him play at all. It just crushes a kids self-esteem and makes him feel invisible. Declan is very intimidated by his coaches. He didn't even think they knew his name until recently. When I was a kid my teachers were authority figures as well as friends. I was comfortable talking to them, and I felt like they cared for me, not just my test scores. When did a teacher become someone that just sees a child as a score on a state assessment exam, or a win for their ego, and not as a developing human mind & body, with emotions?

Lanessa

2008-09-15T22:27:00.002-05:00

Today is Lanessa's birthday. I have decided that I want to take some time to write my thoughts about, and feelings for that person on their birthday. I want my children to know how I felt about people. (Remember this is my journal, you are not allowed to be offended when I write about you!)

Lanessa is one of the most genuinely sweet people I know. I worry about her because she is so naturally sweet (I mean, if she were a food item she would be pure cane juice straight from the sugar cane). Why would I worry about her for being sweet? Because I feel like she wants everyone to be so happy. It affects her so much when someone is unhappy. I feel like she wears a heavy load on her back trying to keep a smile on everyone's face. I hope that she takes the time to do things for herself that make her truly happy. I hope that she realizes that her sweet presence makes difficult things more pleasant. I hope that she realizes that she doesn't have to fix problems, but that problems seem more manageable because she genuinely cares. I also hope that she realizes that you can not make everyone happy all of the time, and that is OK.
I wish I had a closer relationship with Lanessa. It is so sad to say that. We are both so busy in our lives that time just flies by. I joined her family when she was just a teenager. I was fortunate enough to have her live with me for a year while she was in college, and I truly enjoyed getting to know her better and watching her become more independent. I LOVE her children and think she has an incredible family. I am very impressed with how incredibly she has done in nursing school while raising a family. I hope she realizes she is an example to me, and that I am in awe of her. I hope that she knows how much I love her. She will never know how many times I have watched her interacting with others, and have seen how her gentle compassion has affected them. I have wished many times that I could display a fraction of the love, compassion, and patience that she exudes in one small gesture. Can you even imagine having a nurse like her? Now can you imagine having a husband/wife, mother, daughter, sister, or friend like her. I am truly blessed, and I will work harder this year to #1: become more like her, and #2 spend more quality time with her so that she will know how much I care for her. Happy Birthday Lanessa- I am thinking of you today!

Life's NOT Fair

2008-09-15T21:38:00.002-05:00

Yesterday Rodney and I had to have the good old "Life's Not Fair" speech with Decota. This is a particularly hard speech for me to give her because she has had to deal with so much more than I ever had to as a child. However, the weekends seem to be progressively getting worse in terms of her attitude. She HATES to have her shot on Friday night, yet up until school started she was being so good about just getting it over with. I don't know if all of the nerves from starting school again and getting to know her teachers and the schedule is to blame, but for some reason she is putting up more of a stink on Friday night. Don't get me wrong, she is not vomiting uncontrollably and balling up in a corner anymore, I think we have passed that stage. She is just being a little more feisty about having to have her shot. In order to help her look forward to something after it, Rodney and I have tried to have sleepovers or some fun activity with friends that night or the next day. Yet every week the attitude seems to get worse. She takes out her anger on anyone who is around by being mean, snotty, or belittling them- and that is not the typical Decota. Rodney and I have had to talk with her every weekend about her attitude. By Sunday we were done being nice. Cambria and Decota had headed over to their friends house to see if they wanted to go on a bike ride with them. Soon they both came home upset, Cambria with skin scratched off her arm and Decota with a fat lip. They actually started duking it out at the neighbors! As we talked to the girls Cambria became remorseful and Decota became more hateful. I could see the anger building up inside her and I knew that she felt like a dark hand was squeezing her insides, I have felt it myself. When we finally got her to talk about her feelings she bawled about how unfair life was, how mad she was that she had to be different, and how nobody understands what she is going through. This, of course, breaks a mothers heart. Who wants their child to be in pain, to feel different, or to feel alone. She acts out towards me more than anyone else because I am the one that makes sure she has all of her meds every day. I am the one that gives her her shot. She wants me to feel as bad as she does- I totally understand. I also know that she knows I am the one that is fighting so hard to get her better. I will not let her give up and suffer with a worse quality of life. I am the one that cleans up her puke every week and then makes her whatever she wants to fill up her stomach. I know that she realizes this, and is still mad- I totally understand. I wish I could make it all better, but I can't- and once again tough love proved the way to go. Siting around feeling sorry for yourself does not help anything. Decota is not a whiner- she is a fighter. Sometime we all need little reminders of who we are. As Rodney and I dove head first into the speech, we reminded her of all that she has to be grateful for. We reminded her of people that have had it worse. We reminded her of how attitude makes all of the difference, and examples of people that have made a difference because of their attitude. We reminded her of situations that were much worse than hers. In the end she walked out of the room with a changed attitude and a grateful heart (thanks so much to Rodney, he has a talent for saying the right things).

Today when Decota came home from school she immediately wanted to talk. She told me about a boy that I have worked with that is labeled "emotionally disturbed". Decota has him in one of her classes this year, and he can be quite a handful at times- but he is such a neat child when you get to know him. Today in class he was pulled out of class, and when he returned he had a smile on his face and a black trash bag. Some of the kids kept asking him what he had, and he kept telling them nothing. Decota said it got to be very annoying and that she finally told the kids to mind their own business. When the kids still would not stop pestering him he got very frustrated and blew up. He started yelling and pulling the items from his bag, which happened to be full of clothes. "The bag is full of clothes. Why? Because I am too poor to be able to afford anything. My dad was a drug addict and OD'd on crack and died and left my mom with all of the kids and bills and no money. We can't afford food, let alone clothes. Can't you tell by the way my clothes are way to small and full of holes. Don't you see that my shoes have holes in the bottom of the soles. The teachers are trying to get me clothes that fit so I can look like everyone else!" Decota said that all of the students got real quiet and the teacher had to come calm him down. She was very teary eyed as she told me, "He is a neat person, mom. He is a smart kid when he wants to be. His life is not fair. Mine is not so bad." What a lesson!

Scouting

2008-09-14T19:14:00.003-05:00

I know that I should have a good attitude about scouting, but there are just some things I have a hard time getting into. Scouting is one of them. I do not know why exactly. Declan loves everything about it. Maybe it is because of my lack of understanding of the program (although that is a cop-out because they provide you with all of the materials to learn about it). Maybe it is resentment for the fact that I can not get Rodney to even lift a finger when it comes to scouting and I feel like it is a "male thing" (although they always say that an Eagle scout owes it all to the hard work of his mother). Maybe I am just burned out on scouting because of all of the work I did with Declan to make up for a lot of missing things at the end of Cub scouts so he could get all of his awards and advancements there ( six months of working on Cub scouts 30 mins. a day, 5 days a week). Maybe it is because an error occurred and all of Declan's records were lost on what he had done up to this point, and because I was not keeping track in his book we were LOST as to what to do next. Maybe I just got my hopes up when his former leader told me that parents were not allowed to help the boys anymore, and that the church would take care of it, only to have my hopes dashed a year later when I was told that I needed to stay VERY on top of everything. Whatever the reason, it has been something that I dread. Well I have no more excuses. Declan loves scouts. You should see his eyes illuminate as he goes to an Eagle ceremony. He hangs on every speakers words, and always comments on how he can't wait to be an Eagle one day. His leaders have fixed the lost records and Declan will be promoted three ranks this month. I have been provided a complete list of all that he has done, and all that he needs to do in order to advance again, as well as where he stands on his Duty To God. It is time to buckle down. I have had some time off to think about how much I don't want to do scouting, but in actuality I am grateful for scouting and all it teaches Declan. I say that I don't know much about scouting, but I do know about the relationships that my brothers formed with their scout leaders, and I know of the great memories that they have because of scouting, and I know that I want nothing less for my son- really, that is all I need to know about scouting. I know that Declan wants to emulate his uncles in every way, and who could ever complain about that. So why am I dreading and whining about something that is so amazing for my son? OK- attitude changed- I love scouting! I am off to find another great merit badge to concur! Wish me luck!

Lazy Days

2008-09-13T14:14:00.002-05:00

Today is one of those great lazy days where you feel like you should be doing something, but you don't. I cleaned the house yesterday, did all of the grocery shopping, and fed everyone lunch, so I think I'll just veg for a while. I sat down to watch a show with Decota and Cambria and the whole time I kept thinking- I should bake cookies, I should make bread, I should start the soup for dinner- yet I stayed sitting there and just continued to watch the show. So what if I am a bum. Everyone deserves a day like that every once in a while. This week totally kicked all of our butts. Declan had football and/or soccer every night this week plus scouts, Decota had 2 nights of dance and a meet the teacher for parents at school, Cambria had 2 nights of soccer, and I worked a couple days. It was an easier week than normal because there were no Dr visits, no Activity Days, and Rodney was in town from Tuesday on- so we shouldn't have felt so beat, yet we did. Declan had an 8:00 game this morning, so all of the kids were in bed and asleep at 9:30 last night with no objections (that should tell you how tired they were). Poor Declan has had hours of homework every night (5 hours one night) and he usually doesn't get home from activities until at least 8:00. You would think that the teachers would be a bit more understanding, but I guess that is what you get when you load your schedule with ALL pre-AP and honors classes. We made it through the crazy week though, and are so glad that our pm soccer game was canceled because of the weather that was supposed to hit us due to Hurricane Ike (we have seen a bit of rain and winds, but nothing like a good ol' Texas thunderstorm). I know that Ike has been a devastation to so many people, but for us it has been like rehab. It has provided us with an excuse to stay indoors and be lazy. Thanks Ike for my lazy weekend!

I'm a PIG

2008-09-12T17:05:00.003-05:00

On our anniversary Rodney took me out to lunch. Of course I was craving Mexican (I think I could eat chips and salsa for every meal and snack everyday). We decided to try a new restaurant, so we stopped into one by 121 called Abuelo's. From the interstate it doesn't really pop out at you, so I was a little worried that we might be spoiling our anniversary by going to some dive of a chain, but I was feeling adventurous so we went. As we drove up we realized that it was a nice building with great landscaping- the only problem was that it was located at the very end of a strip mall next to a vacant restaurant. When we walked inside I was so excited, they had a big fountain in the middle and painted skies on the ceiling- it reminded me of Si Senor back in New Mexico. As we sat down I told Rodney that I knew I liked the place already. The chips and salsa were GREAT, and then the kicker- the menu had a burrito for $5.99 that could be covered in any sauce- AND THEY HAD GREEN CHILI!!!!!! Oh beautiful, wonderful, succulent green chili. How have I lived so close to you for 3 years and never know you were within my reach! I was bouncing in my seat as I waited for them to bring me my burrito. And then it came- the mother of all burritos- Huge and beautiful! The waiters laughed when they saw my face as I looked at the sheer size of the thing. They told me they had only seen one person eat the whole thing. I was so ecstatic that I would have left overs to savor that night, and probably the next day. Rodney put his next to mine (he ordered a different, more expensive burrito) and asked why he got the baby one. He tried a couple bites of mine and we both decided it tastes like Taco Box (another of my New Mexico favorites). I was so busy enjoying the lunch, company, and conversation that when I looked down and discovered that I only had about three bites left I was stunned. HOW DID I EAT THAT WHOLE THING! Plus I had two baskets of chips and salsa, a side of beans, flan, and three Diet Cokes. The check said 1 lb Burrito- $5.99, so when I got home I had to weigh myself. To my dismay I found that I weighed 2 lbs more than I did that morning! No worries though- today I am a pound less than I started that day! Boy- I can not get in a habit of eating there though!! And of course the rest of the day was QUITE A GAS!

14 Years!!

2008-09-10T22:10:00.002-05:00

Here I am, commemorating 14 years of marriage by starting a blog- what a dork. My fear is that because I do not keep a journal, my kids and I will forget about how life really is. Here is my attempt at saving a bit of that legacy for them (and me).

I can not believe it has been 14 years since the day my mom and I got our hair done real big (thus tempting Rodney into make the first mother-in-law with big hair comment, which made my mom run off in tears), took tons of pictures in my front yard, and ultimately said "I do" as our families looked on. Time sure flies when you are having fun! (That's why, right? Not because we run 18 hours a day at top speed!)

I knew pretty soon after I met Rodney that he would be the great love of my life. It took my parents quite a while to see it (is anyone ever really good enough for your child?), but when they did- it was undeniable. My children and I were discussing the other night how strange it is that you can date so many people and get sick of them so fast, and then you just end up finding the one you never leave. I wondered aloud how you come to that conclusion. Rodney piped in from the background "Easy, you fall in love, real love, and you just know that you are done looking." I often think about this, and it still amazes me that he fell in love with me, and then he was done. I know I do not deserve him. I often wonder if someone else out there could have been so much better for him, and if he sold himself short when he picked me. In the end I am just so thankful that he did. I could never have imagined how wonderful it feels to know that your true love loves you just as much as you love him. The security in knowing that you have found a best friend who will stick by your side and kiss you good night even when he sees you are at your physical, spiritual, or emotional worst is indescribable. On days when I don't love myself I think he loves me even more to make up for the difference. What a blessing!

Rodney- I love you. Thank you for the last 14 years. You have given me so much and have always provided for all of my needs. I have been spoiled and loved. I have been protected and encouraged to spread my wings. I have learned about sorrow and joy. I have learned about patience, both for you and for myself. Most importantly, you have made me a wife and a mother- my most prized gifts. I love you to infinity and beyond!!!!!