(bitter)Sweet Relief

Last night I was released form my calling as 2nd counselor in the Young Women's program. I knew it was coming for awhile. It has almost been a joke in our house as to how long I could postpone the inevitable, but the day finally came. It is with very mixed emotions I leave this calling. I will miss my Mia Maids SOOOOOOOO much. They are a great group of girls, and I really love being with them. Even their silly little teenage problems will be missed because it helps keep me young and in touch with teenage reality. I will miss (most of) the leaders that I have had the opportunity to work with and get to know. I will especially miss my super, wonderful camp buddies who helped me and the girls survive camp. Their leadership, helpfulness and inspiration were such key elements to making camp the wonderful experience it was. They have also become dear friends, and I will miss the weekly interaction with them. Not only did they make me a better leader, they made me feel like a better person than I really am. I am really going to miss them. But the hardest part of leaving my calling is leaving my girls. I love seeing how they react to the lessons. I love knowing what they have been taught and having the opportunity to talk to them about it on a more knowledgeable level. Decota was months away from being in my class, and I am sad to not get that chance to be with her. I know I will only be losing a couple of hours a week with them, but it seems like such an important time to get to be with them. I will really miss those sweet moments.

As soon as I walked out of the classroom with the bishopric member last night my kids rushed me and asked if I had been released. When I told them yes they kind of chuckled (out of knowing that it was going to happen sooner or later), and then a second later their faces fell with the realization of what that meant. As much as they pretend to get sick of me, I know that they really like me around. Declan then said, with a very upset face, "Does that mean you can't go to the Stake Dance in September?" This dance is a tri-stake dance that our ward is in charge of. Declan and his friends and the Mia Maids have been begging me to come to a dance. I promised them that I would come to the one in September and dance the night away with them. Some of the kids that do not go to dances were going to come with us because we were planning to be the life of the party. Now Declan was telling me that he didn't want to participate in the dance anymore. At first I was going to let Decota come with us (she is SOOOOO much fun at dances), because it would have less than a month until her birthday and I thought it would be great for her to participate in the planning and organization of a stake dance. I was quickly shot down by the YW President in a letter to me, copied to everyone else, saying that she was not invited and that she would not be ready until she turned 14. I completely disagree, but I kept my mouth shut and told Decota she could not attend. Now that Declan thought both Decota and I could not go, he was not going to go either. I quickly reassured him that I could be a parent chaperon (although I will probably have to go through the YM side to be one) and that I would be there anyway. As we drove home the kids quickly started going through the list of all of the things that I could no longer do with them, and I felt bad for a second, and then I reminded all of us all of the things I got to do with them that most moms don't, and of all of the things I still get to do with them on a non-mutual basis. By the time we got home I think we all felt better.

To be honest in some ways it is a huge relief. I have so much that I am helping with for my kids and all of their soccer teams, dance lessons, practices, school sports and such, not to mention all the running around I do for seminary, school and the extras. I need to make a big push for my business this fall, and every time I sat down to do it I seemed to have something for YW staring me in the face and I ended up doing that instead. I have a lot of opportunities to serve the boys on Declan's team, and I know that will be quite consuming. I will have the constant worry of a whole group of girls off of my back (but really, do you ever completely stop worrying about them- I think not), and be able to be more focused on my own children. We have some pretty hefty family goals set up for this year. We are well on our way to having the Book of Mormon read individually by the end of the year, and as a family by the end of the school year. While it is going well now, I am sure it will be like pulling teeth at some point. I also have Cambria in pre-AP math, Decota in 4 pre-AP classes and an honors class, and Declan in 3 pre-AP and 1 AP class. I know that my mom motivation plate will be full. Rodney also has a lot of things on his mind and on his plate, and will have some big decisions to make over the next few months.

I think (no I know ) that the most relief I will feel will be in not having to deal with the constant frustration of working with someone that I just do not understand and that does not understand me. It is pretty bad when you can not read an e-mail from someone without having to walk away and cool down out of frustration. I do not deal well with people that want to be in charge, but don't want to be responsible for any resolutions, and don't want someone else to come up with a resolution instead. I just do not work well if you can not address the problem, and I am going to be glad to have that problem gone from my life. I just hope that my children no longer feel like they are being picked on and nagged at because they are my kids. Hopefully now this crazy, uncomfortable cloud in the air can pass. I think that of all relief that I will gain, this will be the most welcome and the most satisfying.

So while I once again turn in my Young Women's folder I can honestly say it is a bitter-sweet relief.