Concerned Parent

Last night one of my children came to me upset. He/She wanted to tell me a secret that they had been told by and friend and had promised not to tell anyone. Unfortunately he/she felt like this secret could be a harm to his/her friend, and felt it should be told. The problem was the guilt that he/she was feeling for breaking the promise. We went over the rules of a good and bad secret, and my child decided it was a bad secret and therefore told me. Now this secret (which ended up being several secrets) was not earthshaking, and I did not faint as it was told to me; however, it was disturbing, and I could see a self-destructive pattern forming. As I asked my child what they thought we should do, I was told that they knew that the parents needed to know (which was my exact thought), but that he/she was afraid the friend would find out they told and their friendship would cease. In the end we agreed that I would talk to the parent and explain mine and my child's concerns. My child felt a great sense of relief as he/she went off to bed, while I felt a great knot in my stomach start. How do I approach this child's parents an tell them something that may or may not be a big deal to them (though I felt it would be) and come off as a loving friend who is concerned, and not a tattle-tale busybody. I talked about it with Rodney, and while we both agreed that the parents should be informed and be in a position to decide if it was a big deal to them, we also agreed that it had to be handled with care. I prayed about it last night and on and off all day today. I pondered on when the perfect timing would be and how to phrase my words. Yet as the time approached when I knew I would see this parent, I still did not know what I would say. As soon as I saw her I knew I needed to inform her that we needed to talk privately today. She took it very well and we set a place and time. As the time came I felt so calm and loving towards this child and parent that I was not worried, and hoped that they could feel my love and sincerity. We talked for a bit about the situation, (of the which she was shocked and very displeased about) and about how to keep her child from knowing it was my child who told. I expressed several times that my child and I came to her out of love and concern, and that no one else knew the situation at all. I continually told her that I hoped that she cared for my children and I enough to step in whenever she saw or heard of a problem arising with any of my children, and that she would respect me enough to inform me of situations and let my husband and I be in a position to decide what is acceptable and what is not before something gets out of hand. As we left each other, she told me how grateful she was that my child had told an adult, to reinforce to my child that the right thing was done in breaking this secret, and that she knew we did it out of concern. I was so relieved that it was taken in such a positive manner and that I did not come off as offensive. Offending someone has always one of my BIGGEST fears. I don't ever want anyone to think I think less of them because they may have made a decision different that I would have, or because there have been mistakes made. I NEVER want anyone to think that I think I am perfect (I have lived with myself for 34 years- I realize I am SOOOOO far from perfection- I have to watch myself screw up daily). I never want anyone to think that I think my kids are perfect (I know them pretty well, too. They are great, but they are human. I am here to build them up as the world tries to tear them down, and then toss them a rope and pull them back on the wall every time they fall off- not to fool myself into thinking they are something they are not). I guess I write all of this down because I want myself and my children to remember that sometimes we have to get out of our comfort zone to do what we know in our hearts is right. We have to risk comfort, egos, and even friendships in order to make the right choices that will help others (and ourselves) sometimes. It is not easy confronting a friend as a child. I think it can be even harder as an adult. I am so glad for the peace that I felt as I knelt and prayed about the situation. I knew that I could project myself in the manner that I hoped. I am so glad that my friend's heart was opened to hear what I had to say, and that she understood my concern. I hope that others love me and respect me when that inevitable day comes that I need to be told something about my children. I hope that someone will want to empower me with the knowledge of what is going amiss in their lives. I hope that I will get to be the one that talks through their problems with them as they start, and not the one that finds out about them when it is too late. I want people to love me enough to let me be a parent to my children.